State of Love and Trust |Eddie Vedder

A New Tour, A New World

Several months have passed us and we were now in October, getting ready for a full scale US tour for Pearl Jam. The album Ten was released back in August and peaked at #2 on Billboards Top 200, this was huge for the guys and I couldn't have been happier for them. The hard work and dedication they put towards this album had finally started to pay off, they deserved this.

When their manager Kelly Curtis announced the tour, I couldn't help but worry. What would this have meant for Eddie and I? We have been "seeing" each other pretty much since the start of the year and during that time we have grown and learned more about each other but was it strong enough to withstand him being away for however long? Would Eddie come back still having feelings for me? Was I truly worth it to him?

Shortly after Kelly left Eddie had pulled me aside as though he could instantly hear the running thoughts I was having. Eddie was starting to understand me more than I knew myself. Those blues of his trying to read what mine were more than likely giving away, "Come with me." I knotted my brows, I wasn't sure if I was hearing him correctly. Eddie smiled at me and repeated himself, "I want you to be with me Lennon. Come with me." I couldn't help but feel happy at the simple thought that Eddie wanted me there with him to share this moment with. "What about Chris and Stevie and the apartment? Oh god and my job!" Panic started to rise, while living here in Seattle I was still working at the very record store along with Stevie, it was our only income to help pay bills. "Well then why don't we go ask them." He suggested. And we did.

Chris and Stevie were fully supportive and assured that everything would be fine while I was away. In fact Jeff discovered Stevie's knack for photography and extended the invite to her as well. I secretly inquired about Jerry to Stevie and found out that those two were merely friends and was completely wrong. Did this mean that Jeff and Stevie actually had something going on then and I just didn't see it? If I was being honestly, I kind of was hoping so. Then I could have my best friend with me all the time. Naturally I wanted Chris to come but he explained that he too had prior arrangements with Soundgarden and that we may cross paths on the road. I sure hope so. Stevie and I rushed into our job and explained the situation that fell at our feet and with everyone's blessing, we were given our last checks and waved off.

I was laying my head against Eddie's chest as we tried to nap. Management was able to get a simple tour bus for the guys, nothing too fancy but it at least had a working bathroom and a fully functioning kitchen and AC, that's all that mattered. We were on our way to Madison, Wisconsin where the guys would be opening up for Red Hot Chili Peppers along with Smashing Pumpkins. We had to leave early yesterday morning since the drive was a two days drive if we didn't stop anywhere, so we were forced to drive on through and only stopping for gas and essentials. I was starting to get a taste of life on the road quickly and felt January 2nd couldn't come fast enough when the tour was expected to end.

Eddie started rubbing my arm gently while his eyes stayed closed, we were laid out on the couch and just enjoying the small moment we had together because soon, Eddie was going to be busy and sleep was something he was going to be seeking the most. We still have yet to dive into how we felt for one another let alone saying "I love you" to each other. The only thing that has kept us going was assuring that how we felt for each other was something real and to simply see where it took us. That was all I have been able to hold onto these months. It was enough for now.

Stevie sat at our feet as she photographed both Jeff and Stone jamming on the adjacent couch, she was adapting quickly and took this road life much easier than me. Wish Chris was here, didn't feel right in not having him around. My eyes gravitated towards the two musicians when I looked to Stone. I knew if Chris was not around he was and I knew that while Stone was around, I was going to be alright. Pulling myself up and out of Eddie embrace, I looked out the window and took in the sight of fresh snow littering the road and trees, we must have been close to our destination.