Daring, Charming , Real

Ch. 41

Jon's funeral was kept short and private. Only intermediate family and Esme were scattered amongst the wheat field around us. The sky churned in heavy black smoke as the cart holding Jon and his belongings burned slowly. Thomas's chest hummed along with Arthur to the tune of several different hymns from the days they trudged the tunnels. My mind remained bleak and I lost myself inside the flames lapping at the wood infront of me. The sun hung low across the clouds with just enough of a shadow to keep the heat off my shoulders. But even so sweat swelled on my skin through the black lace dress I wore. It was the only thing I found appropriate to wear to the funeral, everything else just seemed mundane.

After the burial site was reduced to reminents and ash, Thomas had several men come to turn the soil over to bury everything deep in the earth. I wanted to crumple to the ground and beg God to bring him back. I wanted to spill my own blood in exchange for flesh to reincarnate so maybe i could ease not only my pain but the pain of the others that surrounded me.

As if Thomas could feel my unease, he wrapped an arm across my waist tightly and started to guide me back up the hillside and closer to our house. The rest of the Shelby family followed closely behind with muffled sobs between them. Esme lagged behind , her gait growing slow and her belly swollen with child. The dark circles below her eyes seemed to blend with the puffy skin from how long she had been crying over the loss of her husband.

We made our way into the foyer and Thomas guided me into his office and straight to his desk. He eased me into his wooden chair and remained standing for the others to join us. It wasn't long before smoke danced here as well, but the source hung loosely between Tommy's lips in a pale comparison to his face.

"I'm assuming we are here on buisness." Arthur asked before leaning against the side wall.

"Not the company. But the will reading." Thomas answered as the others filtered in and took seats before him. He paused for a moment to take in the room and it's small details then proceeded to flip through a stack of papers that laid flat on the desktop. He picked up a stapled piece of parchment and read from the top aloud for everyone to hear.

"In the event of the passing of Jon Shelby the assets within should go as stated below. On behalf of the personal bank account , house , and custody of all children will go to Esme Shelby. On behalf of the work bank account and all funds there within will go to Thomas Shelby." He took a long inhale of smoke before exhaling over his top lip and straight into his nostrils," On behalf of his shared stocks and ownership of the Shelby company it will go to Emilia Shelby."

My heart sinks down the spiral of my chest and the blood roars louder over my ears. Despite the shock of the entire room surrendering to silence,  I am overwhelmed by the noise. Every small movement sounds like gunshots and every eye zeros in on me. I can feel Pollys eyes disecting me from the leftside.

Thomas continues without missing a beat, "On behalf of my vehicle, guns , and shared portion of the Garrison it will temporary go to Thomas Shelby until Finn Shelby reaches the age of 18. All other assets should be distributed through my children and extended family."

"She is no Shelby." Pollys voice shook with fury and she tried to stand . I could see Ana's expression softening towards me in a small apology as she tugged her mother back to her seat.

"What you think doesn't matter. It was Jon's will and its already been done." Thomas flicked the remaining ash off into a crystal ash tray.

"Now if you divorce she takes you to court and then your share is at stake and then what? The Shelby company unlimited isn't even ran by Shelby's anymore?"

"There's no need for court , it's already hers." His eyes flicker to his aunt with a sudden change in tone that makes even my skin crawl. His demeanor alone forces me to scoot back slightly and try to catch my breath.

"I don't think this is a good idea." I speak barely above a whisper.

"What do you mean it's already hers?" My comment gets ignored by Arthur's ignorant wife who has just now decided to have a voice. She looks back and forth between Thomas and I in a desperate demand for answers.

"In the event that I pass away, everything I own will go to Emilia. In the event that Arthur passes away, his share of the Shelby Company goes to Emilia and the Garrison goes to Finn." Thomas took a step forward, far enough to prop himself against the desk and cross his arms over his chest.

"And you agreed to this?" Linda asked me.

"I didn't know what I was signing." I spoke truthfully, "I didn't even know until recently or I wouldn't have allowed it."

"You lie." Polly snaps before jumping to her feet and pulling her handbag close to her side, "I'm leaving. You will hear from my lawyers on this because I refuse to give up my rights to my own family company. "

"I'll call my attorney first thing in the morning." Thomas's words were quick but they still held firm. He wouldn't back down from this and I wasn't sure why. I had seen him side with his family so many times that seeing him purposely defy them was foreign. It was almost scary.

Polly and Ana were the first to leave. Arthur and Linda weren't far behind. I could see in his eyes he would rather stay here to grieve with his brothers but Linda would not have it. She refused to let him out of her sight and now i was sure he wouldn't see the light of day for quite sometime.

We offered for Esme to sleep in the spare bedroom but she declined stating she needed to get back to the children. Her mother was watching them but it wouldn't be long before bedtime and they would turn into hellions unless she appeared to tuck them in.

With Finn now upstairs in his bedroom , the room was now settled and only Thomas and I remained.

"How are you ?" I waited until the office door clicked shut and we were completely alone to turn to him.

"Disappointed in the way my family reacted. Angry that I didn't save him. Devastated that he's gone." His voice quivered slightly and I moved to place my hands atop his shoulders in support.  I ran my fingers over the back of his neck and up through his hair watching his eyes fixate on me.

"Do you want to talk about any of it?" I questioned.

"No." His jaw feathered.

I sighed heavily against his chest before running a finger just below his cheek bone. Tears held tight to his bottom lash line as he fought off every fleeting emotion that boiled inside of him.

"Thomas, I'm not them. I'm not your brothers who need a strong role model. I'm not your enemies who are searching for a weakness." I pleaded softly, "I promise I won't tell a soul how you broke."

I watched the water spill over and down his cheeks before flooding the collar of his shirt. At first it was silent, with shaky breaths and small excuses of why he was shutting me out. But once I wrapped my arms around him to pull his head to my chest, his muscles eased and his shoulders shook. Muffled sobs broke from his throat while he cried.

He cried hard.

Holding firm onto my waist with his nails scraping my skin. He attempted sucking in air but it only made him sob harder. Every time he would grow quiet it would only be mere seconds before he screamed again, using my body as a shield for the sound. We sat suspended like that for over an hour as he poured his heart and soul into the air for me to grasp. It tore me to shreds to see his pain but I drank in every delicious drop of the solid proof that Thomas Shelby was human. His walls crumbled beneath me and I was held so highly in his eyes that no matter the cost,  he would pay to remind me this was real. He was real.

Every raw emotion flowing from him was real.

His cheeks lit up a bright crimson red and his eyes remained puffy for a long while after he finished crying. I used my thumbs to clear the salty liquid from his face and dried him off with the sleeves of my dress. My heart fluttered at the first sign of a smile tugging against his lips. It was worn and subtle but it was genuine.

"I love you." I whispered against his forehead as I planted a kiss atop his head.

"I love you so much more, My Emilia."