Gaining Control

Chapter Twenty

Lucy POV

"Nat, it's ok, you will be ok, don't worry" I tell her as I grab a towel to wrap around the knife and apply pressure to the wound. I sit her down on one of the seats and strap her in. She's not fighting me while I do this, meaning it's bad.

I quickly get to the pilot's seat and get the jet into the air with Nat talking me through it all. Once it's high enough I turn on the autopilot and go back to Nat. I tap the side of her face since she's trying to fall asleep.

"Hey малыш, you need to stay awake, ok?" I tell her while holding her hands on top of the wound. She nods and hums at me but her eyes still start to close. I look at the control console, we have just under 3 hours till we are back. I slowly start panicking till I realise I need to be calm for her.

I unstrap her from her seat and pick her up bride style in my arms, I close my eyes and focus then within a second we are both standing in the medbay with Bruce.

"Bruce, she needs you" I tell him quickly while placing Nat down on a bed. He rushes over and calls for a team to come and help. He pushes me away but I can't leave her.

"JARVIS call anyone free down here" Bruce asks the AI and within a few minutes both Tony and Clint have walked in. Clint's face drops when he sees it's Nat, everyone is asking me what happened so I explain to them both.

"Who can fly the jet back? I left it on autopilot" I ask them both while watching Bruce getting Nat ready for surgery.

"I can, take me there and then you can be here for her" Tony replies. I grab his hand and within 10 seconds I've taken him to the jet and I'm back in the medbay.

"We are taking her in for surgery now, it's going to be a few hours" Bruce tells me and Clint before he walks into surgery. Suddenly I can't hold myself up anymore, I feel Clint's arms around my body holding me steady and helping me over to a couch in the medbay.

"Don't worry, it's Nat she will be fine, she's a fighter" Clint tells me or tells himself. We both just sit there unable to move. I'm unsure how long it's been till I feel hands on my arms that don't feel like Clint's.

"Hey, Bruce said it's going to be another few hours. Let's get you cleaned up while we wait, ok?" Wanda is crouched in front of me rubbing my arms. I try to say no but nothing comes out, I don't think I have a choice either. Soon enough I'm in a hot shower, the water is running red all around my feet, it's her blood. I get lost in my head worrying about her that I don't realise how long I've been under the water till Wanda comes in and wraps a towel around me after turning the water off.

"Let's get dressed and then we can sit and wait together, ok?" Wanda asks while holding me close. She hands me some sweats and one of Nat's hoodie's. Once she leaves the room I slowly get dressed but then get caught up with the voices in my head again. I was stupid, I should have checked to make sure he wasn't holding us, it's all my fault.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and I just feel sick, here's me without a scratch while Nat is fighting for her life because of me. I can feel my anger building inside, I would punch the mirror but Wanda and Clint are in the next room and would hear. I open the cabinet and start to look through it. Right at the back I find a pack of razor blades, I take one out before putting everything back. I just hold it in my hand, it feels so heavy. I pull up the sleeve of Nat's hoodie, just before I can put the blade to my open the door flies open. My hand is stopped by Wanda's magic. I can't move it. She comes over and takes the blade from my hand before pulling me into a hug. I can't hold it anymore and break down.

"It's going to be ok, you don't need to do that" she says while throwing away the blade to hold me tighter. She comforts me while I lose it in her arms, my legs give way after a while and she gently lowers us both to the floor. We just stay in that position on the bathroom floor until I run out of tears to cry.