Miracles don't exist || Theodore Nott

Chapter 15: Like hot coals

The days grow shorter and the temperature drops significantly. And before you know you have to go back home for Christmas. You've been dreading the moment and you look like shit. The DA lessons are also not going in your favour.

As Harry dismisses the class, his eyes meet yours and you understand that he's asking you to stay behind. You move towards the mirror and study the group picture of the Order. They were all so young. And Voldemort killed most of them. Or driven them insane.

Once everybody cleared out of the Room of Requirement, having said their goodbyes and Christmas well wishes, it's only Harry and you. He goes to stand next to you. You see in the reflection that he wants to touch you and comfort you in some way or another. But instead, he drops his hand back to his side.

Turning around, you swallow. "I'm scared to go back, Harry. He's at the Malfoy Manor." It comes out as a hiss, dangerously teetering close to Parsletongue. "And they will be there, revelling in their... doings and I-"

Your breath hitches in your throat as the first tears start to fall. The ones you've been holding back for so long but couldn't find a moment to let go.

Harry grabs your hands, giving them a squeeze. He reaches and wipes away a tear from your cheek, his hand lingering on your cheek. He knows you mean Voldemort. But you yourself are not sure if you only mean Voldemort, or also Theodore.

In your heartbreak and loneliness, you lean into Harry's touch. You haven't let anyone touch you like that since the day you received the Mark. You always felt like he was lingering in the back of your mind.

But Harry... He's like you- almost. He also bears a mark that Voldemort left behind on his soul. He's already on the Dark Lord's kill list, so he wouldn't be in more danger with your involvement.

Your touch starved-ness mistakes Harry as a sign he has been looking for, and he presses his lips against yours. The kiss is first soft and unsure. But as Harry cups the back of your head, his finger lacing your hair, the kiss starts to be more serious. It actually forms into a make-out session.

More tears start to pool out of your eyes as you feel guilty towards Theodore. He obviously liked you, and you still like him. But it feels oh so good to have your cheeks cradled like that by Harry. To have someone touch you tenderly without ulterior motives. Your skin aches for that kind of contact. So, selfishly, you cherish every moment of it.

Your hands fist the back of his sweater when the two of you part. As you lean your forehead against him, you close your eyes. His breath hits your face in soft puffs.

"Come with me to Grimmault for Christmas. And summer break. You'll be safe there. And Sirius would love to see you again." A short laugh escapes him. "He's sort of sad that he can't send you any more letters."

You smile sadly. "I can't, Harry. You know the consequences will be too severe if I don't show up." You've already missed Christmas last year, so there is no way your aunt and uncle will let you not attend this year. Especially now that Voldemort is residing in the mansion.

He hums and wants to give your lips another peck, but you stop him. The confused look on his face saddens you.

"We can't", you whisper, "we're supposed to be opposites- enemies."

"You being here means that there is no way you could ever be my enemy."

Oh, Harry... You don't know how terribly wrong you are.

You take a step back and stare at the ground. You wipe away your tears harshly with the palm of your hand. "I'm sorry, I really am. But I'm not the type of girl you need, Harry." You lean one last time closer and give him a lingering kiss on the cheek. "Have a nice Christmas. See you next year."