FAVOR & AGREEMENT [FreenBecky]

Not An Update, Only My Sharing

Hello guys, sorry this is not an update, just a bit of my sharing. You guys may ignore this if not interested.

These past few days I received some DMs asking if I am okay after Freen's issue came out, whether I'm gonna stop  and recently I was asked how did I manage to update my story as if the issue doesn't bother me at all.

I replied to some but I understand when you guys said not everything is easy to move on , just like what I said, especially we followed their update in our daily life. Yes it's true.

I experienced a worst heartbreak before, spent months trying to recover myself, although it doesn't mean that I am immortal with heartbroken stuff, it just I've learn how to overcome it, easy? NO... never be that easy but life must go on.

You see, I met someone years ago when I was in college, same course, same schedule, we literally go everywhere together. When we had enough with college's dorm strict rules, we rent a small apartment together at the start of our second semester (total of 5 semester). She is this sweet girl that very clinging , bubbly and cute, so I fell for her.  She never decline any sweet gesture from me, so did I. 

Guess what, no border, no restriction, no control, no label between us AT ALL, we take our "first time" (I won't elaborate about this)

After our first time, we did it frequently because none of us show any restriction. At first i scared that she might felt uncomfortable with me after our first time but after that, she is the first one to initiate it. She is my crush so of course i'd be happy when she show interest to have me right?

Imagine going on and on for whole semester, I thought that she had same feeling as I am, but I was wrong. I confessed to her asking to be my girlfriend, guess what, she said she is currently having a relationship with a guy, and she "likes" to be with me because apparently I am so caring, she likes me just with whatever going on between us before, but that's it, we can't have more than that. You know what hurt me the most, we just did it last night, and today she told me she got a boyf.

Everything hurt, but I still want to be close to her, you can say I had grown fond to her, so I apologized because I want us to stay friend, but she don't want it. She don't want us to be close like before because for sure I will never stop hoping. Even how much I told her I won't, that i will moved on on my own, she still don't want us to be close anymore.

So just like that, she started avoiding me. God know how hard I cried every night. You guys must thought that was it right? no.. the only time she talked to me was that she wants to live with her boyf, in the fcking apartment we lived. Well she did not kick me out, but she want us live together, funny right? That time I had enough, I paid my part for the last month I lived, I moved out, lucky my cousin owned an apartment there, she allowed me to live with her.

Ever since my gone wrong confession, we never really talk to each other already. We still smiles when we met, but no talking. During those move on period, I literally drown myself in school work and outside work. My cousin gives me a part time job, contractual job, high pay but hectic!! Attend classes in the morning, after that I worked until early morning. Addicted with coffee which made me having irregular heartbeat sometime.

After no talking for months, she suddenly contact me again. She asked for help, apparently she just broke up with her boyf and her boyf moved out the apartment. Her allowances from her parents for the apartment renting is just half of the amount, the rest is for her daily use, but  since they broke up 3 months ago, she been using her extra allowance to cover up the half part of the renting.

You can said I already moved on that time, but a small part of me still have feeling for her. I helped her to pay the half part every months, but never went back live with her. She asked me back many times but I gave bunch of excuses. Well she never said back to her as having the sweet relationship again, but that time i kept telling myself that I can't gives in easily again, I don't want to start it even she probably not mean that. I just scared of every What If.

She asked me to join her for birthday, she needs someone to celebrate with her, so I did. We spent the night pretty normal, but when I want to leave, she beg me to stay. I gave excuses by excuses until she losses it, she broke down. She told me bunch of things like regretted for what she did to me, she want me back, miss me.. bla bla bla, you know that time I really scare of her, I had go on a very tough move on period, I don't want to have it again. 

In the end we spent the night together, just talked about us, but for sure both of us will not gonna try it again. She tries to talk, but I can't find the same energy as before (I'm the type of person that not fond into chatting in message, only the person I like)

This story sounds like in drama right? I thought so too. I talked to my cousin about these, she literally say this is like korean drama.., lol. 

So guys, if you asked me if I'm okay with the issue... no i'm not. Well of course I hope F&B will be together in real life, but I don't put so high expectation, especially they always label each other as sisters.

if you asked me how can I move on so fast,..... answer is nope, I haven't moved on, but i am moving on. Expectation kills, so from my experience, I learnt not to expect so early. I know what happen to us from the start is not a good thing, and i lost control.

Moved on doesn't mean you be okay with it completely, it just mean that the things no longer hurt you that much and teach you to be a better person.

If any of you hate me on what I did before, I'm so sorry for not being mature in handling stuff in my life, i'm learning to be better. 

The reason why I shared this is because I hope everyone understand that whatever we sees from other doesn't mean thats exactly what happen as our expectation. We sees things, we think about the things, but please never expect it so much.