The Ember In The Storm (undergoing editing)

Chapter 10: Recur

   THIS was history repeating itself. Again and again and Jackson was its witness. Helpless, again. Useless, again. Horrified, again. Elizabeth, again. Except this time, it was his wife.

He was able to wake Elizabeth, pleading for her to not close her eyes. She reassured him that she just wanted to rest for a while but he knew that rest would cost them both.

"Listen to me... look and listen to me okay?" Jackson ordered, caressing her cheek as she faced him with restless eyes. Their horse strode along and behind Romans. They were going fast.

"W-where are w-we going?" She breathed, her breath warm to his face.

"Roman's wife worked in the hospitals as a doctors assistant and m-m-m", he failed to speak, feeling something hard block his thorax and he feared he may break down if he uttered another word. He lifted his head straight to the sky, not remembering the last time he cried. He could not cry now. Nothing ill was going to happen for him to do so.

"It's okay", Elizabeth's hand reached for his left chest, patting him gently. "Sometimes, we need to cry. Not because we are weak but because we have been holding in and strong for too long".

She had not finished speaking and he was already letting the tears fall out. One after the other quickly. It looked like a race to see who could make him more vulnerable.

"I'll be alright. I promise".

Elizabeth smiled, seeing this was her first time seeing him lose a tear or two. She lifted her hand to his face, comforting him as his tears fell past his jaw and onto her own chest.

He repeatedly wiped them away from his face but more rushed through the harder he did this. He laughed at himself and how foolish this was. He never found himself to be one to cry over a woman not his mother.

"When was the last time you cried?" Elizabeth asked him curiously. As if her asking him was the right thing, he suddenly could recall the last time he truly cried and it was exactly like this.

"I was twelve", he smiled weakly. She looked at him with curiosity as to why he was crying. She opened her mouth to ask but he beat her to it, not wanting her to waste more energy speaking. "During my mothers death".

She made an O shape with her mouth, drifting her eyes away from his in awareness of how he never enjoyed exactly opening up about his mother or anything to do with her.

However now, now he wanted to say it. To talk to someone about it because all these tears did not all feel new. Some were old and just waiting to be freed. He was holding them in thinking he was strong enough to carry them. Therefore, he only burdened himself and hurt those around him, family or not.

"It was evening, we went for a family getaway. Something like a camp", he began speaking nonchalantly. Elizabeth rolled her eyes back to him in surprise that he was actually willingly opening up. This was the only thing about Jackson she was put in the dark for.

Her assumption was, if she knew that part of his past, she would know everything about him because he at times acted on things beyond her understanding. She would finally be able to hold him at night and say 'it is all okay' with knowledge on why she was comforting him.

She would be able to know his boundaries and why he and his father blamed him for her death. Finally she could understand all of him.

He did not seem uncomfortable bringing this topic into light with her. He was tired of caving in. He trusted her enough to be the most vulnerable a man could ever be. She let him cry everything out and did not see him as weak, she saw him strong and he never understood why. He never understood Elizabeth as much as she understood him, even if she did not think she did. Nonetheless, one day, he hoped he too would be able to sit with her and understand her too.