what if...

what if tamara lincoln was never murdered?

Tamara True-Star Lincoln, escapee from the Canadian cult, The Church of The True Stars. Only a year after escaping, despite escaping all the way to Virginia, she would be murdered, her body discovered by Forest Daniels.

But in this world, she was left alone.

-

Tamara walked through her apartment, looking around cautiously, a habit she'd gotten into. She stepped into her kitchen, setting down the snack she'd been given, courtesy of Roxie Blackwood. It was dark. She was usually on high alert, anyway. Maybe someday she would let herself relax. But not today.

-

Many nights, Tamara lay awake, thinking about the people she'd left behind. Specifically three people. Lucie David, Laura Easton and Valentina Gomez. Two were like her little sisters, the other was her bestest friend.

Tamara was sure she'd been in love with her.

Valentina hadn't told Gregory about her heretic thoughts, but when Tamara proposed running away- she remembered it so well. She'd been sitting in the locker room with her, holding one another's hands. Tamara brought up the idea of leaving and Valentina ripped her hand away.

She whispered a "No" and then stood up, walking away and going back to bed. Tamara had left just two nights later.

She should have taken Lucie and Laura with her.

She should have convinced Valentina to come with her.

But she didn't.

Why didn't she do that?

God, she was probably never going to see her again.

-

"A twenty one year old man from Massachusetts named Jason Anson was murdered in his apartment this past Tuesday-" The anchor went on. Tamara had only met the guy (and his sister) a grand total of once.

She remembered sitting there at their table as she ate a microwaved fettuccine meal. She remembered how his sister, Samantha, had eyed her suspiciously the entire time. She slept on their couch and was out the door before either of them woke up. She stole a bag of chips from them.

She felt bad for Jason, but you can only feel so bad for a dead person. Samantha, that's who Tamara's heart went out to. Maybe she'd contact them eventually, give them her condolences or something like that.

After all, Tamara knew exactly what it was like to lose a big sibling.

But, for now, she should leave her be. She'll contact her at some other point. Or maybe never. Maybe the one encounter they'd had was enough.

-

For several years, Tamara lived on her lonesome in Mary's Field. That's not to say she didn't have friends, she was good friends with Forest Daniels, as well as the tolerable Blackwood, but there was always that sense of something missing.

The people she'd left behind.

Well, one fine day, while looking at Samantha Anson's Instagram profile (Tamara stalked her page from time to time), she saw a photo of Samantha staring blankly into the camera, holding up a peace sign. In the back, was a black girl sitting in a lawn chair on her phone. She couldn't be much older than thirteen.

The recognition dawned on Tamara within seconds. That was Lucie Maria David.

She saw a comment from Lucie, she went to her profile, she messaged her, Lucie responded, they made plans to meet and now Tamara Lincoln was on her way to Felicity Valley for a second time in her life.

Admittedly, it was a bit of a blur. Just, Lucie was okay and that was enough for Tamara. They say in Emilia's yard. Though Tamara didn't want to, she asked "So you know how Laura's doing?"

Lucie shook her head. The girl recounted the story to Tamara, how she and Laura had left together and gotten inexplicably separated.

Jesus, that must have been terrifying.

But, nonetheless, Tamara now knew one person from her past was okay.

-

For the second time in her life, Tamara sat across from Samantha Anson. Some pleasantries were exchanged, Tamara finally gave her condolences about Jason's death, and that was that.

-

It was a relief when, four years after they'd reunited, Lucie sent Tamara a text, telling her that Laura was okay, that she was alive. A little over a week later, Tamara herself flew out to Canada to see Laura.

Laura was just as much of a spitfire as she'd always been, just taller and also she had bangs now.

Tamara just had to hold hope that one last person was okay.

-

Valentina Esther Gomez was okay. She was the mother of twins now from an unknown father, Emmanuel James and Emma Tamara. Tamara was shocked Gregory would allow Emma's middle name. Or maybe he'd forgotten about her, who knows?

But, nonetheless, Tamara had offered her house to Valentina and her children. They were around eight or so.

One night, Valentina and Tamara lay in bed together. Valentina had wanted to sleep in the same bed as Tamara, despite the latter offering the former the couch. But, no. Oftentimes, they'd end cuddling of sorts. Just, sitting there in the bed, holding one another in their arms, rather tightly as well, as if scared the other would vanish if they didn't hold on tight enough.

This particular night, they weren't cuddling. Just holding hands

It was in the dead of night when Tamara whispered "Can I tell you something?"

Valentina nodded.

"I fell in love with you when I was thirteen, I'm certain. I don't think I've ever stopped loving you since then. Since I left, not a day has gone by where I didn't think about you." She squeezed her hand just a bit tighter.

Valentina waited a second before whispering, "I love you, too."

They got married just six months later.