No Matter What (Synacky)

Chapter Sixteen: Zacky

As much as Brian didn't want to leave me, I finally got him to go in his room. While I laid alone on his couch, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I began sobbing. I couldn't go home, I feared too much for being beaten again. But I also just lost the person who meant the most to me.

I had never loved anyone more than Brian. And he did this to me? What did I ever do to him to deserve this? As I thought about it, sometimes I considered that it was all Michelle, and Brian had tried to hold her back. But if that was true, why had he let her pull his shorts down? Why had he let it go that far? I hated to admit it, but Brian had cheated on me.

What if it wasn't the first time this happened? I continuously asked myself these questions.

I finally calmed myself enough so that my sobs softened. The heat of the summer was too much, I tore my shirt off in attempt to cool down. Somehow, after almost an hour, I was able to fall asleep.

~*~

I woke up to the sound of the floor creaking, but I tried my best to ignore it.

It's probably just Brian getting a drink or something.

But then the footsteps got closer, and I felt a sharp pain on my back. Startled and in pain, I quickly sat up. After my eyes had adjusted, I watched Brian slowly move his hand away from me. Then, he sat next to me on the couch.

"Zacky, what happened to your back?" His eyes were full of concern.

"W-what do you mean?" I didn't think I could admit to him that my father had hit me.

He bit his lip, knowing that I was just acting. Pretending I had no idea.

"Who did that to you?" Brian finally asked.

I couldn't bring myself to answer him. So he began to guess.

"Was it the bullies at school?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Was it your siblings?" Again, I shook my head.

"Zacky, was it your father?" I heard his voice tremble. My lip quivered, and I felt the tears welling in my eyes.

"Oh my god, Zee." Brian opened his arms for me, and I willingly leaned into him.

"H-he found out about us." I swallowed, trying to stay calm.

Brian's arms against my bruised and injured back stung, but I couldn't back away from him. I just allowed him to pull me closer against his body.

"This is my fault." He whispered, as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"No." I choked the words out repeatedly, "It wasn't you, Brian."

I felt him tighten his grip on me. He was obviously upset with himself.

"If I wouldn't have kissed you on your porch, this never would have happened." Brian continued to blame himself. "If I wouldn't have done that, he never would have known. It's my fault." I knew he was crying by then, like me.

Brian, I'd rather kiss you and risk getting caught, than not kiss you at all.

But I couldn't say the words out loud. He betrayed me. We weren't together anymore. Yet, I remained in his arms for a long time. He was the only comfort I had. And I deserved it for once in my life.

~*~

Brian refused to go back to his room. And I was a bit thankful for that. It was better than being alone, and neither of us wanted that at the time. But we didn't sleep in each other's grasp. I slept on one sofa, and he went to the other. That was the way it had to be. It's not that I didn't love Brian. I did. A lot. I just, I don't know, maybe couldn't trust him. I thought I could.

I wondered if I could've ever done something like that to him.

No. Never.

But we were two different people.

We weren't the same, like I truly thought and believed we were.