No Matter What (Synacky)

Chapter Seventeen: Brian

It was almost three weeks since Zacky and I had broken up. A lot changed since then. Even our friendship was practically shattered. We never spoke. I never moved on to look for anyone new, though. I couldn't. I still loved Zacky.

How could I have done that to him? He was right. I let Michelle take it too far. And I regretted it. I let her control me, when I should have been the one to control her. I should have pushed her away sooner.

I almost scoffed at the thought of Michelle. She was the reason Zacky and I weren't together. And I knew I couldn't possibly forgive her. Luckily she had left me alone since the whole incident. I then wondered if Zacky had moved on.

Did he find someone new who loves and comforts him? Someone better than I ever was?

I hoped that Zacky hadn't found anyone new. But at the same time, if he found anyone, I hoped they were better than me. He deserves someone as perfect as him.

This was all I had left to do. Sit and ponder about Zacky and I. Remember what we used to have. Imagine what we could've had. And the terrible memories that replayed in my mind.

Zacky's expression when he saw Michelle and I.

The sounds of him sobbing in my living room, while I sat on my bed, unsure of what to do.

The pain in Zacky's eyes after I had touched his now scarred back.

The feeling of his tears streaming into my shoulder as we held each other for the final time.

The final time.

I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes at first, but then I gave up.

I deserve to feel the pain that Zacky felt.

And I did feel it, because, on top of all of my suffering, I uncovered the fact that my best friends and Zacky had started a band without me.

As I thought about it, the tears stopped. I was more pissed off than upset at that point.

Jimmy, Matt, and Zacky had started a band (along with some other guy that I didn't really know) without me.

I clenched my fists.

Why the fuck won't they let me in the band? I'm probably more talented than all of them.

The anger and selfishness combined until I couldn't take it. I pulled out my phone to confront them.

~*~

I read the conversation over text messages to and from Jimmy repeatedly.

Why the hell would u start a band and not ask me to join?

I immediately felt bad for snapping at Jimmy, but I was too upset to really give a shit anymore.

Dude I'm sorry but u and Zacky weren't getting along and I didn't want u 2 to be fighting all the time.

Then y the fuck didn't u let me in instead of that fag?

My heart ached. I hoped that Zacky wasn't nearby to read the messages.

Jimmy never responded. That didn't surprise me.

How could I say that about Zacky?

It was just in the moment and I was so pissed off, but I regretted it all.

I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know how. I sent one final message.

I'm sorry

Then I threw my phone against the wall of my bedroom in anger and I allowed myself to sob.

My phone vibrated from another text message, but I ignored it. I didn't care anymore. I let out screams that were silenced by my hands. I wasn't even positive on why I was screaming. I think it was mainly because I had hurt Zacky enough, without insulting him. And after I said that, it practically ripped me apart.

As I cried out, I wondered if Matt or Zacky had told Jimmy and that Justin kid about our relationship.

~*~

Once I finally pulled myself together enough, I slowly walked to where my phone landed and checked the messages.

I expected to have recieved another text from Jimmy.

But it was a message from Zacky, instead. I read it in complete disbelief.

U can help us with 1 song on the fucking album.