No Matter What (Synacky)

Chapter Four: Zacky

I waited outside of the main lobby at the High School, after all classes had ended. I kept my distance from the door though, staying clear of the stampedes of people, pushing through to get home. It was Friday.

I was sort of hoping to see Brian again, maybe even get the chance to walk home with him. I saw him in the halls a few times, he seemed to see me too. He waved once, and I smiled back at him. He really was probably the most generous person I knew. But throughout the day, torturous nicknames were thrown at me, pretty much by anyone who saw me. There were always a few people who would maybe tell them to back off, or just watch sympathetically. But it didn't change anything. There were still all of the others. At least Brian wasn't that way. I wondered if he ever could hurt me.

Sometimes I thought about us. I would imagine us together. I wondered a lot, if I actually liked him. From what I knew, he wasn't gay. He wouldn't like me back. But some days I'd still think about us, maybe at the beach, or at my house. He'd sit next to me, and I'd look deep into his chocolatey eyes, always bright with excitement. Brian would slowly lean down, and cautiously kiss me. And I'd enjoy it.

But those were just imaginary thoughts. I suppose anything can come true, but that just seemed too insane. We weren't really even friends yet, and as I've mentioned, he's not gay.

Now I stood, searching the area for him, until I saw him exit the main door. The older boy saw me, and began a quick pace towards me. I tried to act like I didn't really notice, that I wasn't looking for him. I heard his footsteps getting closer and I turned, looking right into his dark eyes, just like how I imagined it before. I wanted to kiss him. So badly, I just wanted him to hold me, underneath a tree, at the beach, or anywhere, really. I didn't care where it was. As long as I was with him. It honestly did not even matter if we kissed. Just being near him made my heart race faster.

"Hey," Brian spoke loudly, like he wanted more than just me to acknowledge his arrival. But it was just me and him. No one else surrounded us, though a few kids stayed behind after school, usually past the parking lot and away from the building.

I could kiss him. No one would see. Except I had to remind myself that he was straight.

"Hi," I replied, more quietly than he had spoken.

"Is it okay if I walk with you again?" The older boy raised an eyebrow slightly, waiting for my approval.

I nodded my head, "You don't really have to ask, you know.. We're pretty much going to the same place. I mean, you live close to me."

"Yeah, I know." Is all Brain said before we started off towards our street. I haven't really felt this way towards very many people. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Would his lips be soft, or chapped? Would he try to involve a tongue? Would I allow it? Until I once more set off a reminder in my brain that he doesn't like me, and it'll never happen.

The walk was pretty silent, except for the soft sound of our footsteps, and an occasional car passing us by, down the road. I could've just imagined it, but I swear our hands brushed together several times. It almost seemed like he was doing it purposely. Because every time it happened, Brian would look down at me. It was like he was studying my reaction. I would turn away, just quick enough so he wouldn't notice the pink blush spreading across my face. Maybe he did notice, I just hoped not.

I almost jumped when the older boy's voice broke the silence, "Uhm.. Do you.. Maybe want to go to the beach tonight?" He finished, looking over at me once again. A million thoughts went through my mind, I was nervous, and unsure of what to say.

But he interrupted my thoughts again, "You could stay over at my house afterwards. I mean, if you want to.. My parents will be out for the weekend and I just thought that we could like, play our guitars together or some shit.. They won't be around to piss us off." He chuckled quietly.

My stomach felt like it tied into a huge knot. Of course I want to go, but I was nervous as hell and still not sure how to answer him.

"Sure," I finally blurted out, giving Brian a small smile, "I'd love to."

Something flickered in his eyes. Maybe relief? Excitement? I didn't know, but it didn't matter to me anymore.

I was going to the beach with Brian. I was going to stay over at his house.