It's You

Chapter 7

Yohan hadn't realised how much he had missed it. Watching Gaon sleep that was.

Watching the worry that always seemed plague the younger's face when he was awake disappear, the small furrow between his eyes smooth out, the plump lips - so often pulled into a frown or pout - curled into a relaxed smile.

The younger had always looked so at peace and blissful in those moments, even if he was recovering from injuries. In those few precious times he had stolen Yohan had felt wholesome as if a missing piece of his soul had returned home.

But life had always been cruel to him - deservingly so - and his chances to watch the younger rest and experience that feeling of utter bliss disappeared into thin smoke when he pressured him to make a choice. Yohan had once again destroyed his happiness with his own hands.

He hadn't believed to ever watch the younger's sleeping form again, to ever receive that gift again.

But here he was now.

Back in the country he hated, driving his car through the night mindful to avoid any pits and dips of the road or abrupt braking with Gaon peacefully asleep in the passenger's seat.

Not even when they had lived together had the younger fallen asleep in Yohan's company.

No, the only times Yohan had seen the soothing image of the brunet losing the worry and guilt of a lifetime were when the younger had been unconscious, not aware of Yohan's watchful eyes or the handful of moments the older had invaded his room after returning from the office late at night, to steal glances of a sight not meant for the devil. But never, not once, had Gaon fallen asleep knowing Yohan would be watching.

Glancing to his right, he felt his face soften, the tension leaving him as he drove through the darkness with the other resting beside him, this time fully aware of what he let Yohan see. And Yohan knew first-hand how hard it was to let one's defences down, to be vulnerable in front of another person, and to trust them with your entire being when life had taught them to never show weakness. To this day, he couldn't slip into the sweet unconsciousness with another person in the room, not even Elijah. He envied Gaon a little for that.

But then his mind was kind enough to remind him that Gaon wasn't fully in control of his actions right now and the small amber of something akin to euphoria, but not quite because it was only in its beginning, only a spark that could be killed so easily, was squashed beneath the harsh reminder.

Of course, Gaon would let his guards down now. He didn't remember the way Yohan had hurt him, had used, and manipulated him until the younger was so immersed in the sea of lies and deceit that he hadn't known who to trust anymore. Gaon didn't remember that they had threatened to destroy each other. He didn't remember holding Yohan responsible for his childhood friend's death. He didn't remember said childhood friend at all, who Yohan was certain had been in love with Gaon, and he didn't remember that she had been his world. His first choice because Yohan was never it. Because Yohan had become the devil in the name of revenge, had sold his very soul to win the game and with it he had only alienated the other.

No, Gaon only showed him this side of him because he didn't remember Yohan. It was all because of his amnesia, the doctor had warned him about the clingy behaviour likely to happen. This was just the result of it. He'd have to remind himself that this was only an illusion, a beautiful dream, but nothing more. Because Gaon would remember eventually and then this would end.

Oh, he didn't plan on letting the other disappear from their family again, but it wouldn't be this unshakable trust in Yohan, it wouldn't be this shy yearning for touch.

He wouldn't allow Yohan to hold him so close again because he'd be reminded that Yohan wasn't his world. That had been Soohyun and Yohan lived in no illusion.