It's You

Chapter 21

Yohan had thought he knew pain, knew loss, knew heartache but this, this... Losing Gaon, not because the younger had recognized Yohan as the devil, he was deep inside and had run, but because the universe had found it fit to take his angel back to heaven ... it destroyed him in a way he hadn't believed possible. It ripped his heart like a tempest and burned his soul like fire and flames and hot ashes.

Whatever strength had carried him through the hours of anxious fear-veiled waiting was gone in the blink of an eye and Yohan only realized he'd fallen when pain shot through his knees, momentarily numbing the ache in his chest.

Gaon had been his everything, the light to his darkness and the other part of his soul because even when he'd been disgusted by Yohan's actions, Gaon had never been afraid of Yohan himself.

And Yohan regretted, regretted so much, regretted never having told Gaon that he would always be the bigger number, that he was sorry and that he loved him as much as he was able to.

If he could love, he would have loved Gaon with all he had. His love wouldn't have been the kind of gentle love Gaon had shared with the detective, it would have burned and hurt and changed the world - all-consuming, passionate flames of desire and adoration.

He would have worshipped Gaon, made him feel like he was the best thing that ever happened. He would have made sure Gaon knew he was gorgeous, wonderful, and perfect. Perfect for him.

He would have adored and cherished him like he deserved, painting his pretty skin with his lips until there would be no doubt that he belonged to Yohan. And he would have let Gaon call him his, more than happy to scream to the world that he was Gaon's, that he belonged to someone, that someone found him worthy of keeping.

He would have done everything and more.

But now he was gone, forever, gone where Yohan couldn't follow just yet because there was Elijah, and all he had left were the memories; too few to feed his starving soul.

"Chief."

Yohan turned around, eyeing his new Associate Judge warily.

"Thank you for saving me yesterday."

"Don't mention it," he stated coolly, partly stepping into his office. He didn't like thinking back to yesterday.

"You shot without hesitation."

"Did I?"

"Where you thinking of killing the driver?" Gaon accused him frankly.

"If there was the need to."

"The need, you say?"

"It was likely the bus would have kept going straight ahead even if the driver had died instantly." Yohan wasn't quite sure why exactly he indulged the man's poor attempt at interrogation, but for once he didn't want to toy with the other speaker.

"So you shot to make him turn the steering wheel instinctively. So that he'd be the only one to die if he crashed."

"Isn't that basic arithmetic? One is a lesser number than two."

Admittedly, it would have lowered his chances significantly if his Associate Judge had died in front of the court, no matter how heroic the media would have painted it.

"That's right. I survived thanks to you," Gaon murmured, frowning.

"You're welcome."

"I guess I shouldn't become the lesser number when you are involved, Chief."

"Don't do that then."