A North Carolina Autumn

Chapter Sixty-Seven

8.30.2023

surprise:) here's a longer than normal chapter for y'all:)

It only takes me a minute to decide what to do next, even though I know there's a chance I'll upset her further. Rylie said she needed air, and while I can't blame her for needing to get away, I can't let her go.

I quickly throw on a jacket and my shoes before rushing out the door, praying that the elevator is quick. When I finally step outside a couple minutes later, my eyes scan frantically up and down the street as I search for Rylie.

Tears blur my vision as I look, and I use the sleeve of the sweater I blindly grabbed to swipe angrily at them as they trail down my cheeks. The fabric is coarse against my skin in a way that's not exactly pleasant, but it's not necessarily painful, either. The slightly uncomfortable sensation captures my focus, pulling my thoughts away from the fear and anxiety that were begging for my attention. I pause for a moment, closing my eyes as I take in a deep breath, letting the frigid winter air fill my lungs. Movement to my left catches my attention as my eyes open, and I take a few slow steps towards an alley, letting out the breath of relief when I see Rylie.

She paces back and forth, and several seconds pass before she notices me. Her tear filled eyes meet mine, breaking my heart all over again. A hundred emotions bubble up inside of me, anger and disappointment towards myself the most noticeable. I push them down, focusing only on the need to comfort Rylie and make things right.

As I take a hesitant step towards her, I half expect her to step away from me, which I would understand. But instead, Rylie quickly closes the distance between us, pulling me into her arms. Her embrace provides a relief and comfort my body had been craving, but didn't deserve.

I wrap my arms around her, my throat tight. "I am so sorry." My voice cracks, and I swallow hard. "I don't know why I..."

"Shh," Rylie whispers, her voice breaking. "I just need you to hold me."

I do as I'm told, refusing to let go of her for even a second. I know I don't deserve this, her love or even her touch, but I allow myself to be selfish for a moment and hold her. I don't know how long passes before she pulls back, gently taking my hand.

"Can we go inside?" Rylie asks softly, meeting my gaze. It only takes me a second to notice the lack of the startling blue in her irises that I was used to. The blue that I'd immediately fallen in love with had been replaced by a dull, aching color, almost more grey than blue. I can tell she's trying to hide it, but it's impossible for me to miss the hurt still visible in her eyes. Eyes that should be bright and filled with love and happiness. Now all that remains is an agony that I caused. I nod and follow her back inside, unable to ignore the guilt and disappointment filling me.

~~~~~~~~~~

Rylie leads the way back into the apartment and into our bedroom before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I do the same but keep some distance between us, convinced I don't deserve her touch right now.

"Rylie I..." My throat is tight, making it hard to get my words out. I drop my eyes, fidgeting with my hands in my lap as I avoid her gaze.

Rylie gives me a few moments as I try to find my words before she speaks. "You followed me."

My eyes jump to hers, startled by the warmth I see there. "What?"

"You followed me after I left. You wouldn't let me go."

"Oh.. I'm really sorry, I just couldn't..."

"Hey," Rylie cuts in gently, reaching over to take my hand. "I'm not mad." Her eyes are sincere, the grey slowly slipping away as she reassures me, the familiar blue returning. She scoots closer to me, resting her leg against mine. "I was really hurt by what you said, and I thought that leaving was the best idea. I thought we both needed space. But the moment I stepped outside, I realized how wrong I was. I knew that I had upset you, and I knew that even though I was hurting, you were hurting too. Because of me."