Stuck With You - Minsung

Chapter 23 - Cars fix hearts

I had my AirPods in and the first Cars movie playing on my phone.

We were about an hour away from busan right now and honestly, I don't know what the hell is happening.

When jisung left the bathroom this morning, I was expecting us to have a conversation. You know? We kind of had a lot to discuss. But he just began packing his bags. In dead silence.

It... hurt

Maybe he thinks this was all a mistake. I ruined everything we built up with that stupid little gift. I shouldn't have listened to Chan because all showing my feelings led to was pain.

The only thing going through my mind in that moment was how my dad was right.

I'm a fool to break my shell.

I don't know why I changed so much in just a semester but I lived my whole life with those values and so I should return to them right? I am all I need.

I hold value that I shouldn't give up.  I have pride I shouldn't swallow.

I am Lee Minho.

Why am I breaking apart over some random commoner i met just a few months ago?

Feeling are fucking confusing.

So when Jisung grabbed our bags to leave and told me to forget about last night and that he was sorry, I couldn't find the words to respond.

It's like my hapineess was a constructing building with new levels being added and it all collapsed the moment I heard those words.

I thought I was smart.

But I'm an idiot aren't I?

And yet here I am. On a train to busan to meet jisungs mom and stay with them for the holidays. A plan I was really excited about but now makes me quite sad.

I just can't seem to pull away from him can I?

The only thing I can do is just watch cars to calm the anxiety. Days like this are hard for me. It feels like I'm drowning almost, not knowing what other people think of you. Forever stuck in this cycle of feeling good until you don't.

Atleast talking cars don't hurt my feelings.

With a sigh I pry my stare away from the movie to look at the seat next to me. Jisung had his head slumped to the side and a blanket covering his body. His soft eyelashes falling as his lip slightly part in his sleep.

He really was tired huh?

He worked really hard, he deserves to sleep well.

Ughh why do I still feel this way even after he hurt me?

It's too hard to fight my heart.

I softly smile as I place a pillow in the crook of his neck to support his head, the last thing I wanted was for his neck to be in pain all day.

I'm going to let go of all my worries, all my thoughts, all my feelings in this trip. That's what vacations and breaks are for right?

I'm just going to focus on enjoying my time with jisung. Even if he doesnt enjoy it with me.

I'm trying not to swallow my feelings.

I'm just going to live how I want.

My father isn't here to control me anymore.

☜༶⋆❀⋆༶☞

I slowly open my eyes to the voice over the train speaker, announcing the arrival to busan.