I live, so I love: A NamJin Story

Chapter 2

Warning⚠️: This chapter contains mentions of homophobia, bullying, self deprecation, child abuse and neglect.
If these topics trigger you in any way or form, please do not read.
*****************************

Jin winced in pain as he struggled to open his eyes. His whole body felt like it had been run over by a car or as if he'd been doing manual labour for days without rest. When he could finally see clearly after trying his best to blink off the sleepiness, he looked around the room and noticed that he was still on the kitchen floor- naked and sticky all over. Jin realised that like always, after his "lover" had finished using his body for his own pleasure he just left him there like a rag doll. 'He really doesn't care about me at all, I'm just a toy for him to exploit,' Jin thought to himself as he chuckled bitterly before groaning in pain as he carefully pulled himself up from the cold floor.

Once he was up, he picked up his discarded clothes and put on his shirt and underwear before making his way to the bathroom so he can clean himself from the filth covering his bruised body. It was still dark outside, the clock telling him that it was only half an hour past 4 in the morning and yet no one was in the house except for him. Everything just seemed so cold and lonely, not very different from his heart and soul and even though he yearns for some warmth and love, he knew he can never have it. 'Even if I long for love, it had brought me so much pain and I'd rather not experience it at all if in the end I'll end up hurting all over again. I don't need love anymore,' Jin thought as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and all he saw were lifeless eyes and a pale face with almost hollow cheeks.

As he stands under the shower and the warm water hits his body, Jin couldn't help but let out a deep and sad sigh. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, all the locked up emotions that he's been locking in his heart came rushing to him at once. Loud and painful sobs echoed in the bathroom as he cleaned off the dried cum and blood from his ass and thighs- shame and guilt filling his mind and torturing his thoughts. 'You're just a dirty and used toy! You're not worth it! It would be better if you die! You deserve whatever is happening to you!' Such thoughts raced through his mind as he started harshly scrubbing his body, trying to erase the feeling of being violated by someone who he thought loved him but yet he could still feel the disgusting touches of the man no matter how hard he tried to get it off. Only when he felt his skin burn did he stop and rinsed himself well before stepping out and getting dressed.

Jin then went back to the kitchen once again after he had gotten ready, to clean the traces of his abuse that had taken place the previous night. As much as he hated doing it because it makes his skin crawl, remembering what was done to him, he had no other option. If the man came home and the apartment was not spotless and clean, he'd be hit and tortured mercilessly.

As Jin was cleaning the kitchen and later the whole apartment, memories from his childhood days filled his mind. You see, Lee Seokjin was a loved child. He was the only son of Lee Hwan, the country's most successful lawyer who became a widower and a single parent after his wife and Seokjin's mother, Lee Bong-cha passed away because of breast cancer. Jin was only five at the time of her passing and he couldn't understand why his eomma fell asleep for so long. However, Lee Hwan did everything he could to try and fulfill his role as a father while also making sure to never let his son feel the absence of his mother. The man loved his son with all he had and everyone knew it. The father spoiled his son with love, attention, care and support.

The bond between Jin and his father grew stronger everyday and no one could come in between them. The little boy adored and admired his father, always looking up to him and wanting to be like him-  a kind and smart man, a man who takes care of his family, a man who treats others with compassion and understanding and a man of great character and ethics.