I live, so I love: A NamJin Story

Chapter 11

Warning⚠️: This chapter contains attempt to suicide, physical abuse and rape. If you are uncomfortable and triggered by them, please do not read this chapter. Although they're not as heavy as in the previous chapters, it's still triggering so please be careful.
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Jin stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and energised as he dried his hair and body. After he was done, he quickly put on a pair of gray sweatpants, a plain white t-shirt with a pastel blue hoodie on top, all of which he took from Namjoon's closet. And although the hoodie was a bit big for him, given the size difference between him and the professor, it was actually cozy and the florist loved it very much. But, just as he was about to step out of the bathroom, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he stopped in his tracks, seeing the bruises and cuts on his face.

This was the first time Jin has seen bruises and cuts on his face and that was mainly because the monster was always careful not to hit him where it would be visible to anyone. But last night it was the disgusting old man who had hit him- he punched him and scratched him just so he could rape him and he didn't give a damn if the wounds would be visible or not. As Jin looked at his messed up face, all the memories of last night came flashing back and he almost threw up, remembering how he was almost violated by not only one man but seven.

Looking at his reflection, he couldn't help but hate himself- he hated himself because he was such a fool to have fallen in love with a monster and for being a coward, staying with him even after the hell he'd been put through. 'Maybe Joon hyung and the others will probably hate me too if they learned how foolish and cowardly I'd been, how disgusting I am because I've been used by so many men. Maybe they'll even take me back to the monster because I deserve to be treated the way I am.' Negative thoughts raced through Jin's mind only making him feel horrible about himself, his own voice filled his mind with derogatory words. 'I should just keep everything to myself, the less they know, the lesser chance they'll hate me.'

The florist was just about to change his mind and back out on his decision to stay strong but then a voice in his mind reminded him of his own promise to himself. "You're doing great Seokjin-ssi, even if you're starting with little steps you're already moving forward and I'm proud of you." It was what Namjoon had told him right when he had made the decision to invite his boss over and the voice echoed in his mind over and over again, almost like it knows that Jin was about to back out and it wouldn't let him. As the words got louder and louder in his head, Jin finally took a deep breath and whispered to himself, "No matter the outcome, I'll go through with it and even if things change between us and they'll resent me, I'll still be proud of myself."

So with a determined spirit, he finally stepped out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where he could hear several voices, letting him know that his boss and Jungkook were there.

The moment Jin stepped into the living room, everyone went silent making him a little nervous and also uneasy because now everyone was looking at him and he just wasn't used to such attention. And when he made eye contact with Hoseok he just wanted to be swallowed whole by the ground from all the shame he's feeling- because at first Hoseok smiled at him but the moment he saw all the bruises and cuts on his face, his smile immediately dropped. Once again Jin wanted to back out but he somehow looked away from his boss and made eye contact with Namjoon who smiled kindly at him and mouthed a 'you can do it,' to him. So, he took a deep breath, nodded his head and then proceeded to walk further into the living room and sitting right next to Namjoon on the sofa because he knows he'll feel better with the man next to him.

"Hi," Namjoon said softly just to take away some of the tension that surrounds Jin, "Hi," the latter replied while trying his best to hold in all the tears and emotions he's feeling. Namjoon of course noticed this so he instinctively grabbed onto Jin's right hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and surprisingly enough, the florist felt better.