Adoring Levi

twenty two

The morning is quieter than usual. The yellow hues of the sky don't seem as bright as they have the past few days I've walked to school, reminding me of the dullness I experienced on my first few mornings alone in California. There's no noise, no laughter, nothing. It's just me, which makes me realise that I may have enjoyed Levi's presence more than I thought.

Maybe he was the reason why the mornings were brighter when I spent them walking with him; his presence always managed to illuminate his surroundings.

I don't even have the right to complain about the loneliness creeping through my body as I walk. I had a choice to open up to Levi, to let all my thoughts drain out of my head and confide in him. Instead, I lashed out, pushing him away because that's the only thing I'm capable of doing.

My head has been thinking far too much in the past two days. So much so that it slipped my mind that the auditions for the talent show are today, and I never got a chance to practice a piece. My violin is still in my hands, anyway, in the hopes that I'll play Winter flawlessly by memory.

Levi and I had also made a pact a few days ago; we would audition together and perform as a duo. I'm guessing he's not up to doing that anymore than I am.

The school is as empty as it always is at eight in the morning. There are minimal cars parked outside, any that are there most likely belonging to the few teachers that come here so early.

An almost unsettling silence fills the halls as I walk through them, examining the seven students I pass as I walk to my locker. My lack of speech tends to make me an observant person. Instead of just focusing on the music that's usually playing in my ears, I would study the people around me, trying to see if I can figure out anything about their life just by glancing at them.

For example, this morning there's a girl sitting on a chair by her locker. Her hand is resting on her collarbone, her fingers gliding across it as her leg shakes rapidly on the floor. The eye bags under her blue eyes aren't hard to miss. They're quite puffy and much darker than the rest of her pale skin. There's a hint of worry etched into her face. The side of her cheek is slightly sunken in, suggesting that she's biting the inside of it.

Based on this behaviour, she could've been put into a messy situation the previous night, one that's still affecting her this morning. That would explain the eye bags. It could've been anything that triggered her. An argument with a family member. A fight with an aggressive boyfriend. A run in with an old memory.

The more I subtlety stare at her as I stroll past, the more familiar those blue eyes and pale skin seem. It's like I've seen her before. I've seen her in this exact chair with that exact look on her face, but I've never truly seen her. Just like the other six people I pass by. They're all vaguely familiar. They must always be here at this time, I just haven't noticed them properly.

He must have done a good job at making me forget the world around me.

I shake my head slightly, wanting to rid my mind of the thought of him. Whatever we had is over. There's no fixing my mistakes. All I can do is go on and treat him as nothing more than an acquaintance when we're forced to be together, which is more often than I'd like.