Amidst The Vying Psyches

Kabanata 26

Serenity Hiraya

Sa kada araw na lumilipas ay mas ramdam ko ang unti-unting pagbigat ng likod ko dahil sa patong-patong na school works at pressure na dumarating sa akin.

Mas lalo akong na-pressure na mag-aral sa lahat ng subject to the point na naghahalo-halo na sila sa utak ko. Mas lumalaki rin ang disappointment ko sa sarili ko sa tuwing hindi ako nakakuha ng academic validation.

Hindi ako nakasagot sa recits, nagloloko 'yung presentations ko nung reporting... mababang score sa quizzes.

Parang hindi ko na nga alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Humihirap lang ba talaga ang subjects ng grade 12 or na-didistract na ako sa pag-aaral.

Maybe it was both. Mahirap na nga ang subjects ng grade 12, nadidistract pa ako.

"Hirang, take a break for a minute, please." Bulong ni Steven sa akin bago hinalikan ang aking balikat matapos niyang ilapag ang matcha latte sa aking table.

"Paano ka nakapasok?" I asked instead. I remember locking my room. I did not bother to give him a glance and focused on reading the lessons instead.

"You left your door open. You are too focused on reading that you didn't notice I entered." I heard him sighed before fixing my hair. "Come on, hirang. Drink this and take a rest. Pomodoro Technique, hm?"

Humarap ako sa kanya bago huminga nang malalim.

"I-I can't take a break."

"Hm? Why not?"

"I-I need to study... May quiz tayo bukas 'di ba? Bakit hindi ka nag-aaral?"

"Nag-review na ako kanina, hirang. I told you I could lend you my notes but you refused. Tapos ngayon ayaw mo ring magpahinga?"

I covered my face using my hands.

"I-I just don't want to make the same mistake I did. Hindi ko kakayanin na makitang sobrang baba ulit ng score ko."

He sat beside me before encircling his arm on my shoulder. He let me rest on his chest.

"But you've been reading that lesson three times. Hindi ka ba napapagod? You need to take a break or at least let me help you."

Umiling ako. "Hindi ako pwedeng mapagod kasi baka bumagsak ako. A-Ayoko ring humingi ng tulong sa'yo kasi..."

"Kasi po?"

Tuluyan akong naiyak dahil sa paraan ng pananalita niya. Namasa ang mata ko dahil sa lambot ng pakikitungo niya sa akin.

"B-Because I want to prove to myself that I can do this alone. A-Ayaw ko humingi ng tulong sa iba k-kasi kapag tumaas 'yung score ko, ibig sabihin no'n hindi na ako magaling." I sobbed.

"Look at me, hirang..." He lifted my chin before wiping the tears on my cheeks and kissing my eyes. "We're partners, okay? Whether you like it or not, I'm going to help you. And just because you accept my help, it doesn't necessarily mean na hindi ka na magaling, hm? Ang ibig sabihin lang no'n ay willing ka na mag-grow pa at may matutunang iba. Besides, I'm not gonna let you be hard on yourself, okay?"

I sniffed. "O-Okay."

"I love you always..." he kissed my forehead. "Now, let's study this topic together for one more time. Pagkatapos no'n ay magpapahinga tayo kahit saglit. Understood me, hirang?"

I nodded.

I love how he's always so gentle and so understanding with me. I love how he listens to my side and does not invalidate how I feel. I love how he would always know what to do.