TW - ED, ANXIETY, ABUSE
"OI GRACE GET OFF!" Courtney yelled in a fit of laughter, falling off a chair in the changing rooms. The evening show had just finished and the rest of the girls were making they're way back in after stage door. Grace, Vicki and Courtney were having a tickle fight. I was watching from a distance, not feeling my best if I'm being perfectly honest but I giggled along just so I didn't spoil the fun. Everything from the past was coming back to me, the eating disorders, the abuse, the hitting, the yelling, the screaming, the absolute fear of what happens next. "What on earth is going on here?" Aimie questioned as she put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched a little but I don't think anyone noticed. She moved to stand by her desk.
"Grace and Courtney are lunatics." Vicki said, clutching her stomach. I got up and went to stand next to Aimie, who may I say is smallish but just about half a head taller than me. "Yes I can see." Aimie said, frowning. Grace also then fell over and I backed off, flinching in alarm. I caught Aims and Maiya share a look in the corner of my eye just before my chest began to feel tight. I grabbed Aimie's wrist and looked around to see if anyone else had seen. No. Good. I loosened my grip on her wrist remembering where I was and she slowly threaded her fingers through mine, holding my hand. It helped a little. "It's okay" Aimie whispered to me faced away from the other, "Okay girls we're gonna head off now, you coming Mai?" she asked after picking up her phone,
"Sure, bye girls." Maiya replied.
"Byye see you in a minute!!" Grace squeezed out, waving at me. Of course I smiled and waved back before speed walking out,
"Aimie can we take the back way please?" I asked her, hoping it didn't come out to fast and desperate.
"Of course we can, the rest of the girls are coming home later JayeJ brought the other car."
"Thank you."
"It's alright, let's get home and get safe."
Maiya held my hand in the back on the way home since Aimie was the only safe driver apart from Nat, we listened to the radio as it was actually quite relaxing tonight. Honestly it made no difference because I was trying to focus on my breathing and trying not to have a panic attack the entire way home.
When we did finally get back I just felt worse and I couldn't breathe. I threw myself onto the sofa and curled up into a ball, hyperventilating, tears rolling down my face. "Stells, Stella, sweetheart, you're okay." Aimie said, sitting next to me, making sure not to do anything sudden or that could scare me. She knew for well what I was expecting and what would of happened with my aunt and uncle. Maiya stood unsure of what to do, but eventually lay a grey blanket over me and sat opposite us. I was chewing my finger and shaking and trying to breathe and before you know it, I was crying. I buried myself into Aimie's chest deciding she wasn't anything like my aunt. "Stella, you're alright, come on." She soothed, "Listen, Stella, I need you to look at me. look me in the eyes," I did as I was told, struggling hard to keep eye contact, "Stells, five things you can see?"
"Uhm... Uhhh... You... Uhmm... I don't know, I'm sorry, I can't" I said preparing for the worst and hiding my face,
"It's alright, that's alright, don't worry, just take a deep breath in through your mouth for me." It took a couple tries but finally I managed to get a little control over my breathing. "There we go, good girl, that's okay, you're okay. Aimie's here, Aimie's here." My breathing slowed a little and I wasn't as tense as before, I rested my head on her collarbone. "Shhh, Aims is here with you, you're okay. Listen it's just us and Maiya here, you're alright I promise." I finally relaxed and felt safe enough to let Aimie wrap her arms around me after I did the same trying to escape from reality. Not that I didn't feel safe, I was so worked up and my brain associates lots of things with what my aunt and uncle used to do. Sudden movements around me doesn't help either, neither does physical touch really, I was very good with Aimie and recently with the girls though. I would never of let anyone do that before but it was allowed for the past month according to my mind, so I don't know what caused it.
Letting myself lean into her, I revised what I used to. "Come on at least eat two mouthfuls" they used to say to me, I'd divide my food into halves, then quarters, then quarters of quarters, until I could only just eat it. I counted the calories in my head, I poured a bowl of cereal then threw it in the bin, I put a tablespoon of hot sauce on my rice cakes to punish myself, I put weights in my pockets so everyone thought I was healthy, I hid away so they couldn't find me, I tensed up, curled into a ball so I couldn't feel as much pain, I hid all the scars, I did all their chores, I waited and waited and waited for my escape. There's so much my safe place doesn't know about me yet she understands every bit of me.
"Shhh, it's alright, sweetheart." I heard before I cried to sleep. When I woke up all the girls where on the sofa watching Downton Abbey on low volume, it was 11pm and I was still snuggled into Aims. I decided to just stay there and let one of them carry me to bed, I was way too tired to do it anyways and I felt safe here. Guess this was it, a day filled with ups and downs, leaving me left with more downs. Tomorrow I was gonna eat as little as possible, I could live off of water again. And maybe stop talking since everyone here probably hates me and probably thinks I'm attention seeking. It would be for the best.
A/N: I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO END IT I COULDN'T STOP TYPING AHHH. Sorry or the inactivity and bad writing ahhh!! LYSMMMM <3333
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Adopted by a Musical
قصص الهواة'I think I already knew where this was going, I didn't know whether to be scared, nervous, or excited.' 14 year old Stella got sent to a fostering centre after living in an abusive household with her Aunt and Uncle. One day she decided to go for a r...
