Adopted by a Musical

chapter 17

TW - SH, PANIC ATTCKS
(sorry stapleton, its cos you hate fun and ily). stella doesn't practise what she preaches and so the blind leads the blind.

unknowingly i frowned at courtney's arm. had she been struggling this badly?  she'd masked it so well and nobody had noticed. suddenly she pulled her sleeve down and aimie tapped me on the shoulder. i shook my head back to where i was, not my head, not worrying about courts. "you good?" she mouthed, i nodded. 

soon after the girls had finished their live it time for the first show. courtney wasn't on for tonight, she wasn't even on standby. perfect time to talk to her. "hey courts, can i speak to you?" i asked softly,
"of course." she smiled, i sat down opposite her in vicki's chair. "what's up stells?"
"uhm... you." i said, sounding scared unintentionally. "i'm just worried about you." 
"oh... why?" i looked at her arm. she looked to the ground.
"courts i saw it, you know i know" i said rubbing the cuts on my own arm. shit. she didn't know yet though, aimie never told.
"stells, baby, there's no need to worry about me."
"i'm sorry, i can't help it. just please promise me you'll try to stop." i didn't want her to go through what i'm going through. i can't imagine life without courtney. she nodded. i broke eye contact and focused on my breathing, suddenly aware i'd forgotten how. "hey courtney?" i said without thinking.
"yeah?"
"are you okay...like... mentally?" 
"yeah... just stressed that's all, it's natural when you have a tight work schedule."
"are you eating?"
"yes, don't worry." i know that was true, she had been eating. 
"alright."
"stella?"
"yes?"
"how do you know all this stuff?" i looked down. what do i say? i lifted my sleeve. she frowned, processing it. she looked up at me, i looked back at her. "stells... what?... does anyone else know?"
"aimie," i answered pretty much immediately, "but don't tell anyone else, i don't want anyone else to know."
"alright, that's alright. now it's my turn. are you okay, stella?"
"uhuh." i replied quietly, my voice shaky. i let a tear fall, no. this was about courtney, not me. 
"oh baby, come here." she said gently, i leant into her as she pulled me into a hug. i closed my eyes and let myself cry. "i don't want you to go through it too. it hurts inside." i told her shyly.
"oh darling you don't need to worry about courtney, she's okay." i wrapped my arms around her and felt her move her hand to the back of my head. i felt protected. "i'm sorry." she whispered as i breathed on her chest. very slowly my eyes closed and i felt myself falling asleep.

--time skip to end of show--

i'm not sure how long i was asleep in courtney's arms but when i woke up all the girls were in the dressing rooms sat on their phones. maiya was first to notice i'd awoken. "evening bubs."
"oh... sorry." i mumbled, half-awake. 
"it's alright. we're just waiting for lex and mills to get back from stage door then we're going home."
"oh okay." i sat up, remembering suddenly that i was on courtney's lap. "sorry courts." i said, rubbing my eyes, she stifled a giggle, and smiled at me. "that's okay, i don't mind." i looked at the floor. "did you tell them?" i mouthed trying to be discreet, she slightly shook her head no. 

when we all finally went to bed i couldn't stop thinking about courtney. without realising i gasped for air between tears, realising that nobody had noticed how much pain she was in. i couldn't go to courtney because it would fuck up her sleep, i was wary of going to aims but i decided to anyways. i threw off the now tear soaked duvet i was under and speed walked to aimie's room. it wasn't too late so should still be awake. i burst in through the door, realising too late that i'd accidentally gone into the wrong room. 

"stella? what's going on?"

a/n: yum yum. totally not leaving you guys there till i can be asked to write hehe. i feel a bit bad for aims so she can have a break lolzies. i hope you enjoy guessing who will be stella's new therapist BAHAHAH. love y'all!! <3