Adopted by a Musical

chapter 18

a/n i was excited to write this idk why

TW-panic attack, stella's worst yet as far as im aware (oop spoiler hehe). enjoy!!

"stella? what's going on?"
"coco?... oh.. um, nothing, i'm fine." i squeezed out trying to sound okay as possible. i completely forgot collette had moved in a couple weeks back. i started to turn around but i felt her stand up behind me.
"stella no you aren't. there's no point pretending. come here." i let her embrace me as i quietly sobbed into her.
"i'm scared." i told her, shaking.
"of what, baby?" she asked softly, rubbing my head, holding it in her chest.
"i'm worried about courtney." i mumbled quietly. "and i can't tell anyone because otherwise she'll be mad at me."
"oh darling, what happened?" she said, i hesitated.
"she cut herself." i said blankly, unsure of how to act.

silence.

"what?" collette whispered.
"she's i-in p-pain." i whispered back through sobs and gasps of air. "courtney's in so much pain, a-and none of us c-can be bothered to notice properly." all of a sudden my throat tightened at the thought of losing courts and i couldn't breathe. my grip on collette strengthened as anxiety flooded into me, drowning me in an invisible sea of terror; only visible to those who look closely, or those who have experienced it themselves.

i didn't realise how badly i was struggling to breathe until i felt the tears rolling down the front of my neck, my cheeks soaked as i opened my mouth trying to get a breath in, pulling away from her arms. "wooaahhh, stella. stella breathe, look at me, breathe." she said gently, holding me opposite her.
"i can't breathe, coco." i said grabbing onto her to get a sense of safety.
"stella look at me, baby," i looked at her, "in through your nose." she said firmly. i closed my mouth and choked on tears as i took multiple short breaths through my nose. "stella, relax, she's okay. relax, i need you to calm down and breathe, take a deep breath." i did as i was told, my eyes flickering back and forth between her eyes and the door that led to aimie's room. could she hear us?

with struggle and words of reassurance from collette i eventually regained control over my breathing. my body was shaky and my heart was pounding so loud in my head it hurt. i took a deep breath in through my mouth, letting out quiet cries as she pulled me into a hug. i wrapped my arms around her waist as she held me, one hand on my head; the other guarding my body. my body suddenly grew weak and achy. i whimpered in pain. "shhh, you're safe, coco's got you."
"everything hurts."
"it's going to be okay." she whispered into my ear. "you're okay, you're with coco now, she'll look after you." i sobbed quietly, still worried about courtney. shit. courtney. she'll be so mad at me.
"you can't tell anyone about courtney, she'll kill me. please don't tell anyone, or tell her that i told you." i mumbled quietly.
"i won't, alright, don't worry.""
"thank you."
"you need to get to sleep though, you need rest."
"can i stay with you please?"
"of course, come on we can stay downstairs tonight."

i rested my head on collette's shoulder, my eyes heavy and body numb. i moved myself to lay down on her stomach, fiddling with one of her hands whilst she ran her other one through my hair. i eventally wrapped my arms around her, she did the same, and took in a deep breath of her scent. safe, like aimie. "you might wanna tell aimie about this, i thought you were her, but e can't tell anyone else, they don't know.""
"i'll tell her tomorrow morning, focus on yourself for now you can't worry about that."
"okay." she stroked my hair. "hey collette?"
"yeah?"
"thank you."
"that's alright, stells, anytime."

finally relaxed, i fell asleep curled up in her lap, waiting paiently for courtney to be okay.

a/n: well that escalated quickly. i'm in my collette phase can you tell? she's so sweet bless her but i think that me and Atnataliessalonx should be stella's therapist cos then its like a chain since millie is ours (she jus doesn't know it yet). anyways merry christmas and BYE BYE MY CHILDREN!!