these have been some of the worst days of my life.
and i've had some bad ones.
all this new information that's been popping up has me questioning my perspective on everything, including myself.
and my mother not being able to answer my questions right now is making my anger worse.
thankfully, amani's been here the whole time to keep my head on tight.
"you okay, boo? i know you in your head right now." amani said, placing down her cup of hot chocolate.
i nodded, sipping my apple juice.
"i told you about lying to me, janae." amani said, sternly.
i smacked my lips.
"i know, ma. this shit is just really fucking with my head." i sighed.
we decided to get some breakfast before we went to the hospital again.
"i can't imagine what's going through your head right now."
"a lot. then i can't even get any answers and being here in new york and seeing kay and dougie is really fucking with me."
"what you mean?" amani questioned.
"it's just a bunch of memories flooding back. nostalgia and regret. when i'm in dc with y'all, i'm at peace. new york ain't shit but bad luck to me if imma keep it a stack." i shrugged.
amani nodded.
i know she understands that it's not much she can say right now to make me feel better.
her presence and support is the most she can give me right now.
i took a deep breath before speaking.
"i wanna go home. i want today to be our last day." i spoke making amani look at me funny.
"you sure? i don't mind staying here, janae. i want to make sure that y'all leave level headed and not just clouded with thoughts."
i shook my head.
"nah, i just can't handle being here any longer."
"but janae you know when we go back that they're gonna be asking a thousand questions and i know how you get when you're overstimulated."
"i'll be aight. we can go back to the hospital and say our goodbyes to everybody then go home first thing in the morning."
amani sighed, grabbing my hand.
"okay."
"thank you, mani." i said, pecking her lips.
my phone went off.
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"who that?" amani asked.
"kay. he asked us to pop out before we leave." i sighed.
