Beautiful Ruins

IX 》 Pain.

This chapter contains themes of self harm/abuse, so, approach with caution.😪

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Pain can turn us into an entirely
different person from whom we once were.

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Toviella.

But he promised.

He promised me he wouldn't dispose them. 

Those paintings were Mum's favourite, probably the only belonging of hers that was in my possession and he promised it would stay that way. 

But that was three years ago and he isn't the same man he was back then. He wasn't the same man who loved his kids more than anything in the world and wouldn't ever think of laying a hand on any of them, wasn't the same man who kept to his promises, wasn't the same man who couldn't bear the thought of doing damage to any one of Mum's paintings, not to talk of reducing them down to nothing but cinder and ash.

Wiping the angry tears that was welling up my eyes with the back of my palm, I ran up the stairs that led to my room and banged the door shut behind me, a sudden, draining weakness shrouding around me like a cape, causing my legs to buckle underneath me as I dropped to the cold floor, my bag rolling off my left arm due to the change in position.

I pressed my lips together, trying to muffle the scream that was clawing against my vocal chords in an attempt to break through, causing my lungs to ache vehemently.

Quivers surged through my body as tears glided down my cheeks in torrents, my breathing becoming labored. When a sob finally tore past my lips, I realized I wasn't crying for just Dad. I was crying for all of us: Mum, Sekani, and me. 

I was crying for what could've been, crying for the happiness we were deprived of, crying for not enough time in this place together.

"It's all your fault, you know."

My body went rigid hearing those words. I sniffed a bit, my back straightening against the door I was leaned against. "W-What do you mean?"

The dark chuckle that echoed in my head a second later, sent a chill down my spine before that ominous-filled voice piped up again; "Don't play dumb with me, don't act like you don't know."

A swallow crawled down my throat, my palms growing clammy. Fresh tears were threatening to spill but I bit down on my bottom lip, subduing them with everything in me. 

I wasn't gonna cry anymore, wasn't gonna play the victim anymore, not when I knew that all of this was indeed, my fault. I had tried to convince myself otherwise but that fact couldn't be denied. 

If I hadn't been born then Mum wouldn't have had to come out that day to celebrate my stupid birth anniversary.

 If I hadn't been born, Mum, Dad, and Sekani would still have a chance at a happy life.

If I hadn't been born, Dad wouldn't have become the monster he was now.

If I hadn't been born, Sekani wouldn't have to grow up without a mother.

"You deserve everything you're getting and more."

Maybe it was the strong disgust and abhorrence that voice reeked of, that propelled me to my feet, in search of anything capable of inflicting pain on skin. 

As I stood in the middle of the room, my eyes frantically rummaged it's expanse, until they landed on my study table. I moved towards it, picking up the pointy-tipped object that had caught my attention.