Wildest Dreams

Chapter 1

" Real world vs Fictional World"

Kiara

"You can't have every possible thing fulfilled at the end of the day. You can't always get what you require. You can't expect everything you desire. Learn to let go and let yourself feel the way it should feel."

I reread the words again after I complete penning down the quote. It has become quite my regular habit to write down my emotions through quotes as sticky notes. People might find me insanely crazy and desperate for it but I care less. I am satisfied with the way I am as long as I am not crossing any visible boundary. Let's start from the beginning.

I am a hopelessly romantic girl who dreams of having the fairy-tale love life like fictional stories . But I know that fiction is not reality. Very unfortunately, I have actually faced the worst while trying to survive my perfect fantasy of having fictional love and romance. Now I am trying to survive with the building attraction towards a boy whom I personally find very attractive. Infatuation or strong crush, I don't know. All I know is that I am currently strongly feeling for someone who doesn't even value or care for me. Even if I want to just forget him and move on, a part of me can't help but have expectations and hopes. Call me silly or whatever but it's terribly difficult. So I am gonna name my not so craziness for him as an unhealthy obsession.

With all those complicated feelings, I have decided to write down those crazy notes which are realistic for me and my very single life with the awful crush on the very wrong person. I am gradually becoming actually the very typical girl of those cringe movies and stories which is definitely not a good sign.

Honestly I blame my age for everything. Age eighteen is the most crucial stage of life. You make mistakes, you feel thousands of emotions, you feel emotionally wrecked, you feel like you are not worth of anything, you get frustrated in small situations, you go through circle of different mood swings, you face the phase of your life and understand the reality, you try to act mature and at the end all you get is emptiness and many more.

In this age, you learn to grow up but due to the process of growing up, you face the ultimate truth, rejection and all the bad things you presumed to be good. The most difficult part of the entire duration is that you regret and you want someone to accept the way you are and provide you the emotional support as a human but no one tries to see through you or your point of view. It's weirdly terrible when you feel completely alone even when you have people around you. It's difficult because you want to have that one person whom you can blindly share anything without having the fear of getting judged and understand you without misinterpreting other feelings.

Truth to be told, I myself don't know what's going on in my life. I am apparently trying to figure out my all confused and messed up feelings and incidents. I am not some sad or heartbroken girl who has just faced a tough break up. I am overall happy with whatever I have got in my tray right now. It's just that there is a pinch of bitterness in my not so perfect and sweet life where I just crave for some romantic interest and genuine understanding person in my life.

I let out a loud sigh as I stick the small yellow paper in my diary. Keeping the diary on the table, I quickly hop down on my bed pulling the bed cover over me. Another night, another useless dream. Sometimes I actually feel as if my life is no less than those female protagonists of the fiction. However, we know that they mostly get to have their happily ever after at some point, no matter how flawed they are whereas I am stuck with reality and unfortunately reality sucks.

***

"Hurry up,Kiara . It's already 8:30 a.m and you are busy with that crap. Just stop it and get out right now." My mom shouts from the kitchen while she is busy cooking the meal. I roll my eyes at her choice of words and finish applying the last layer of lip balm. It is basically a daily routine where I have to get scolding for doing skin care routine. Yeah, I might sound like a very typical girl but I love to do skincare and makeup. I make sure to follow some basic steps of skincare before going to college. No, I don't do any makeup for going to college but skincare is a must program for me.