Guarded: The Alternate Path of Dean Winchester

Chapter 3: teenage wasteland

The next several months went by in a blur. I was allowed to do school from home. When I did finally return the whispers and looks from everyone was too much to take. I felt like a shell of my former self. Life seemed to no longer have meaning and one by one my friends quit showing up. I started to get in fights at school and I was self isolating, pushing everyone away.

Before I knew it, a year had gone by and I was sitting alone in the dining room for my fourteenth birthday. The sun was setting in the sky and it was deadly quiet in the house. My relationship with my mother all but wilted as she was away from home more often then not these days. She dived headfirst into drinking and socializing, as if it couldn't have been bad enough before we lost my father. All we did anymore was fight when she was home.

I stood up to turn in for the night, resigned to spending my first birthday alone. In walked Dean. He produced a cupcake lit with one single candle and place it gingerly on the countertop.
"You can't go to bed without making a birthday wish kid." I sighed and gave him a sideways smile. "Thank you Dean." I blew out my candle, unwrapped the baked good and took a bite. Cupcake in hand, I headed for bed.

The next couple years went by much the same. My mother all but gone from the home. Dean bringing me a singular cupcake on my 15th and 16th birthday being the one small solice I had left. I made new friends over the years. I can't say that they were any good for me but I did not allow myself to form any real attachments over the years as I could not bare the thought of another loss. I requested a small get together for my 17th birthday with my troubled new friends. We had an evening pool party. Just five of us there. Three girls, myself included and two boys. They brought a couple bottles of whiskey and a 24 pack of beers. Dean watched from afar with a look of disapproval but did nothing to stop us.

The night wore on and almost everyone passed out in the guest house. Justin, the oldest of our group at 20, was the last to stay up with me by the pool. I floated in the water and watched as the sky swirled above me. I had consumed too much alcohol. The music went silent and I heard water lap as Justin entered the pool. His smooth voice broke the silence, "It's so peaceful out here tonight." Justin swam up to me and pulled me to him. I was not bothered as we gazed wordlessly at the stars. My head was swimming and my emotions numb as he moved his hands to my hips.

In a single motion, Justin turned me to face him and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him back unfazed. Our friend group was known for getting high or drunk and making out. Sometimes out of sheer boredom. None of us were dating per say, just wreckless teenagers floating through life.

I was a virgin and never experienced more then some kissing and heavy petting in my young adult life. I made out with Justin just for the sake of doing it. I felt nothing stirring in my stomach. I had no desire to go any further. Life didn't matter to me and quite frankly I felt dead inside since the death of my father.

Justin moved his hand to stroke my breast and still, I felt nothing. I kissed him back harder, hoping to feel something, anything. In hindsight Justin probably took that as a sign to become more intament. He made an attempt to slide his hand into the front of my bathing suit bottoms. I pulled away abruptly.

"Justin, that's not what I want man." He shrugged his shoulders and hopped out of the pool. Justin sprawled out on the lawn and once again gazed up at the stars. I felt he got the message and chose to lay down next to him. We started a conversation about random things like music and cars. I laughed at a lame joke he told. Justin leaned over me and ran his fingers through my wet auburn hair. I gave him a friendly smile and he leaned into kiss my neck. I welcomed the distraction yet again but again, I felt nothing.

Justin moved his hand to my breast and began roll my nipple through his thumb and forefinger. I began to suspect he saw me as a challenge and was beginning to work hard to illicit some sort of reaction from me. Again, Justin moved to put his hand between my legs and I stopped him. This time his frustration came out. "I think you'll enjoy it if you just let yourself relax." Before I knew it, he had moved his body on top of me and began to rub the hardness between his legs against my swimsuit bottoms. I felt the ever so slightest humming of pleasure between my legs and I panicked. I did not want this. Not now and not with this guy.

"Justin no!" I shouted and attempted to push hard on his chest. He did not budge an inch. I screamed louder and made a second attempt to move him off of me. Suddenly he was in the air and hurdling away from me. Dean had grabbed him with a determination and stealy resolve that was somewhat chilling and.. something else. "Listen you little jerk, you better hightail it off this property before I call the police!" I watched in shock as Justin did not hesitate to make a run for it and leave all his belongings aside from his car keys behind.

Dean turned to ask me if I was okay as I picked myself up off the lawn. I brought my hand to my face and noticed one single tear had spilled out of my eye. Dean brought me into his embrace and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "You should go get some sleep kid," he spoke warmly as he rubbed my shoulder. Out of nowhere anger bubbled up in my throat. "You're not my father! And.. I'm not a kid anymore. Quit calling me that!" He looked shocked and a little hurt at my reaction. I was surprised at myself and ran inside to my room to escape the situation I had caused.

I saw a cupcake sitting on the kitchen counter as I ran through the kitchen and another tear had run down my cheek. I sure made a mess of things. I heard Dean hot on my trail as I rounded the corner up to my room, panting as I hurried up the stairs. Dean was trying to get me to stop and talk to him.

"Hey!" He shouted as I slammed my door shut and flopped on my bed. It wasn't a split second before my door flew open and he came stomping in the room. I surprised myself yet again as I flew into a fighting stance in the middle of my bedroom. "Get the hell out of here!" Dean inched towards me with his finger pointed firmly in my direction. I began to back up into the wall and questioned myself why I was acting this way.

"I don't have to put up with this from you! Why are you acting this way?"
I countered back, "Why do you care?!"
Dean looked taken aback yet again and inched much closer to me with his finger pointing forward and his mouth agape. I bumped into the wall as he got closer still. I was soon pressing against the wall and he closed in on me and attempted to speak. "You just don't.."
"I don't WHAT??" I spoke inches from his face, daring him to react. All the years of anger and sadness were crashing out of me and I couldn't seem to control anything in the moment. Dean seemed to suddenly realize how close he was to me and looked down. His face grew red and his jaw stiff as it dawned on him he was staring at my body. Before I could respond he bolted out of the room without another word.