Rooftop /SALVIS / TWW

24

TRAVIS POV:
"Hey Sal?" I ask still laying on him.
"Yeah, what's up?" he responds through breaths.
Realizing i'm crushing him I pull myself away, feeling the gravel hit my knees and sit next to the still lying down Sal. He gets up and looks at me in curiosity.
"What do you call this?" I ask.
"Call what?"
"This, us, two guys, who like each other, together."
"Oh! Like the term?"
"Yeah, the term."
"Hm, Boyfriends, I guess."
My lips purse, is this what we are? Are me and Sal 'boyfriends'?
"Why are you asking.?" Sal questions.
"Is... that what we are? 'Boyfriends'?"
He pauses before answering.
"Well, only if that's what you want us to be. I'm fine with that label."
I sit and think for a moment. There's still a part of me that thinks i'll go to hell for liking men. I know I love Sal. It still feels wrong after all these years. Will god still accept me? Does it really matter that much to me, still impressing my dad? I can't fight the way I feel anymore, if i'm going to hell i'm to far gone to repent. I know i'm a sinner, I can't get over this feeling of uselessness. Do I want to have a boyfriend? I can't go to heaven anymore if I do this. Is that still important to me though? Am I really going to let my father control my life? Can I escape from this hole i've dug myself into?
I need to make a decision but I don't know what to do. I know it's what I want for me and Sal, but, an ache grows in my stomach. The thoughts pushed on my for years, I want this, I really do. I just can't have that label right now.

"Sal, I love you, I really do. I don't think I can deal with that yet."
"Hey, that's alright, Its okay, we still like each other, there's no need for labels or anything!"
"I'm really really sorry.."
Sal moves his hand over mine and grabs it. He squeezes it a few times letting his nails dig into my palms.
"There's no need to apologize, you don't ever have to be my 'boyfriend'. It's just us, that's all that matters."
I look up at him, his face carved into a smile. Eyes starting to tear up my frown disappears.
I flip my hand upwards and squeeze Sal's hand like he did mine.
I look up at the black sky, flecks of lights in the clouds. The moon is full in view and bright as ever, no clouds block it. My eyes have adjusted at this point and I can see everything on the roof. My father is definitely asleep by now, he is probably passed out after drinking to many beers and won't remember me being gone in the morning. I should head home we still have school tomorrow.

~~~~

I lay in my bed looking at the dusty red ceiling, I can't sleep thinking about tonight. On the roof with Sal, why can't I call him my boyfriend? I lay my hand on my forehead palm towards the roof. How can I get over this? I want to be have this relationship with Sal.
I sit up, letting my hand fall into my lap. Tears start to fall down my face. Why can't I do this? I can't, I'm a man of god deep down. A man of god wouldn't cry, a man, wouldn't cry. I pull my fist to my face and clutch my eyes. Why?
I pull myself up and go to the corner of my room where I keep the phone. I pull up the carpet, lift the floorboard, and grab the device. I turn it on and open it. The phone back round slides away and opens to the picture me and Sal took earlier. We are both smiling, phone light lighting up our faces.
I stare at the screen listening to the soft patter of my tears falling on my lap. My thumb hovers above the circle button but I can't seem to get my finger to move. Me and Sal. This is what I want, right?
I press the button that makes the photo go away and open up our messages. Nothing new, same text from yesterday, no contact.
I press on the icon at the top like Sal instructed me earlier and read each button. I press 'Info' and then 'Edit'. I type 'Sal F.' at first before deleting the words.
I type out 'My boyfriend'.
This is what I want, I need. I press done as the tears slowly dry on my face.
Do I feel happy about this? I think as I put the phone away and lay back in my bed.

Can I be happy with this?