To my Dearest Friend

Vienna and old friends

Yves montague

I stand up, we have arrived, I am not sure if I am excited or not. I am sure that this feels better than dammned Paris. I shake Akiva, he has been sleeping most of the journey. "Kievele, wake up. We are here" I whisper. He wakes up, he's a bit hazy from having slept so much. I chuckle.

Here we are, a city of culture a city of beauty but not as overwhelming as Paris. We step out of the train and the platform is just like I remembered it, I have been in Vienna about half a year ago, I used to be here every two months or so. I like going to the opera here, yes I like going to the opera anywhere. but the Wiener StaatsOper is one of the leading opera houses in all of Europe, they produce pure beauty and they strive for perfection. I have many mamories here in Vienna, I have also many of them shared with a certain someone, a someone I no longer have, I no longer know, I no longer understand. The melancholy captures my heart and floods my lungs with utter longing. But I put on a smile we have things to see and places to be!

We have arrived in the late afternoon, today we will be going to a ball. To reintroduce myself to the society of Vienna. Akiva and I are both busy finding our white tie when I sigh and say his name. 'Yes Yves?' He answers, paying half attention not sure if I am going to say something important. 'You need to use Malachi.'I say.

'What do you mean Yves? He says looking at me with a confused frown. I sigh, feeling a bit guilty I have not metioned this earlier. 'Here in Vienna they are passionate about a lot of things. That includes politics. and those political groups are sometimes rather, how do I say that diplomatical, pretty violent. And they have a certain group of people they are not fond of some of the time so you know the name Malachi would be better to say" He nods. 'I understand' he seems hurt, I bite my lip, I didn't want to hurt him. Did I hurt him? I feel like I can't thinkg straight rght now. "Our carriage shall be ready' he says and we walk out of the room.

It is a treat every time you step from the cold streets into a hall, where it's far warmer. Heating your cold heart or at least trying to. I look around me, the colours they are wearing are so beautiful, the pink,  purple and green dresses of these young girls showcase their eagerness to become part of the world. To be swept of their feet by a charming young men to be condmenned to a loveless marriage only because that one boy had charisma. I look at the beautiful ceiling of the ballroom it's mostly gold with a bit of read white but still it's more gold than anybody with taste would prefer. It must've cost a fortune to build, but of course that's what the owner wants to think. A waiter offers us champagne, I decline as I scan the room for people I know. I want to give up when I hear the same old familiar voice.

'Yvie, Where have you been hiding for all those months?' I turn around 'Leopold!' I exclaim happily, I embrace him. 'Are Oskar and Florian here too?" I ask eager to recconect with my friends. 'They should be somewhere but they've been rather busy with the women.' He says with a bright smile. The mask I am wearing seems to fasten, I need to be alright now, I will be alright. My friends can't see my cracks.

'Leopold, meet Malachi' I say, he shakes his hand, both with a bright smile. 'Malachi Meier,' Akiva further introduces himself. 'Aha are you also Austrian?' Leopold says, looking surprised at me. 'Not strictly' Akiva answers with a smile. I smile and look at Leo, he has always been a friend, sometimes I live with him when I have a lengthy stay in Vienna. I really enjoy his company but he is rather.... hedonistiv. but nonethelss I am very fond of him.

'Yves' somebody embraces me from benind. 'Nice seeing you too dear Oskar.' I embrace him and florian follows suit. 'have you two found what you were looking for? I ask jokingly. They laugh. 'Sadly we have not.' I seriously  adore these gentlemen and I really love their company but I have never understood their utter motivation to be liked by any women they meet. Quite frankly I find it rather childish, but than again I couldn't see someone who remotely looks like Cyril and talk to them without crying.

I smile as I look at a boy that looks like him, he's dancing with a beautiful girl. He must be really young. Such a strange feeling. I do not know this boy and still I wish he would be given everything in the world. He should have a beautiful life with that young lady. They seem in love, are they in love? It's alwasys so hard to see by these kind of peope.

Akiva is talking to my friends 'Yves why don't you have a champagne? Leo asks. I smile, 'I try to drink a little less.' I answer 'How so Yves, you only live once.' He says while handing me a glass. I grab it, he is right. 'Where is your beautiful blonde friend? The one who would absolutely butcher any german word he would say.' He asks. I chuckle, it is clear he means cyril and to be fair he is not wrong, Cyril could not say any German without sounding like he wanted to kill you. 'Well, he lives in paris.'I answer, Leo looks at me, I smile a sad smile as always, he immediately understands. 'I've heard rumours of a really beautiful bachelor this season Yves, I think she would like you.' I smile and shake my head but he doesn't stop talking. 'I'll introduce the two of you,'  and I am involuntarily being draggad across the room.

He stops at and points at a a beautiful dark haired woman wearing a wine red dress. He begins to speak. 'I know her, I must say she is more adventurous than people think, that's how I know her.' I look at him, clearly judging. "Hey, I have my habits you have your, I am not the reason you fall in love with people you can't have.' I scoff and roll myself I try to walk away but he drags me towards her, with every step I take the world slows down a bit, every step I take makes me lose purpose a bit more, makes me lose hope, makes me confirm to this society, makes my fears come true, every step is another part of the last rope I am holding onto breaking apart. Making me even more scared to fall. But after those last steps of this ill fate I will have to put the mask back on, hoplessly trying to understand how to be normal, but I am a rock surrounded by diamonds, technically the same but it will never be as valuable.

'Katherina, this is Yves, an englishmen.' She offers me her hand and I kiss her hand. I look up at her, she is smiling a flirty smile, I smile the same kind of smile. 'What a pleasure to meet you Katherina, Leopold has been very positive about you.' She hidee her face with her fan in feigned modesty. I am surprised by it. I have never understood the strange art of flirting. But nonethellss it is clear Katherina is charmed by me. 'Would you like to dance Katherina?' I ask, she giggles and accepts. I feel utterly bitter inside, yes she is beautiful, yes she seems charming. Yes, we're dancing, but that's all, when I would dance with him it would feel like we were floating, and yes, I miss it, even if my mask vehemently denies it. The hope I had is still burning in my heart, it's smoking not visible but still hot, don't touch it it'll burn you, don't fly too close to the sun, don't stick your hand in a fire dear Katherina