To my Dearest Friend

We meet again but we are not the same anymore

Mathieu Montague

'I heard our dear Yves is engaged' Emma says. 'Don't call him ours, Emma, there is nothing pointing to ownership of a person." I say while breathing out the smoke. She scoffs, 'I mean it in an endearing way Mathieu!" I roll my eyes, sometimes she acts as if Yves is her son, not mine. 'Well it is not, it sounds absolutely menacing." I say she sighs. "Come on, Mathieu don't be so harsh.' Eloise say as she leaves the room.

Eloise always gets tense when I talk with my sister. Yes, Many people think Emma is not a Montague but she truly is, she is my sister. And I have never been fond of her. She has been inappropriate since she was an adolescent. I always thought she was reckless and arrogant. My father would call her the wild child almost as if he was proud of her. Why could he be proud of the mongrel of a women and not of me?

'So Mathieu what do you think of the fact he will be marrying?' She asks me. I am perplexed by the question. 'Well, it is unexpected especially after Paris and Vienna.' I say. 'Paris, Vienna?' she asks. 'Yes he was visiting his best friend cyril, they're very close. Or at least they used to be.' She nods. 'Remeber when you were constantly in France with that one guy, his name was Michel right?' I look at her, fire spitting lighting up in my eyes. 'Alright I will drop it brother.' she says immediately. "I have a name Emma.' I respond without any emotion. 'Oh I forgot Mathieu.' She says sarcasticly.

I stand up and go to the library to look for the book Yves wrote. I bought three copies, one for me, one for Frances and one for Eloise. I have been reading quite a lot and I am surprised how well he writes. He writes almost the same as his mother used to write but with a bit more elegance. I walk past Yves room when I hear noises in there. I look into the room. 'Emma!' 'Oh mathieu!' 'What are you doing here?' I ask. 'Well I wanted to see my old room again.' I raise one eyebrow. 'Your old room is in the other wing.' 'Oh really silly me.' She says while walking away. 'You need to respect his privacy.' 'Will do' She yells back with a smile.

Yves montague

I hesitate as I stand in front of the familiar door. I ring the bell and prepare myself for his face. I wish to see it again but I am so frightened to. What will he think, how will I even begin to explain? He opens the door, his face looks gaunt, he has short hair to my surprise, I see the surprise on his face too. Short hair, it is quite beautiful, quite classic I suppose. I smile. 'Hello dear' I smirk, 'May I come in.' I ask. He seems to struggle to say anything. 'Yes certainly.' He manages to say. 'Have you read my letter?' He asks. I nod. 'I decided not to follow your advice!' I say as I walk into the manor. 'Why are you here Yves.' he asks. 'I wanted to tell you myself.' We sit down. 'I like you your new haircut.' I say with a smile as I look in the eyes I have missed more than anything in the world. 'Really?' he asks. 'not really, I preferred your long hair to be honest.' I say with a smile

Cyril Courtenay.

'To be abosulutely honest I did not expect you on my doorstep Yves.' I say and Yves smiles. 'Do you have tea?' he asks, supposedly trying to lighten the mood. 'I am sorry did I miss a letter in which you said you would be ignoring what has happened?' I ask, he doesn't respond but only puts his coat of the rack 'Myrtle, could you make a cup of tea for me and Cyril?' he asks one of the servants he is closely aquanted to because we would always spend time here. 'Yves what are you doing?' He doesn't respond. 'I am so hungry' he only says. 'YVES!!' 'Hmmm?' he says as if he hasn't heard me the other times. I look at him with a frown and lift one eyebrow. He taught me how to do that.

'Oh of course your questions.' He takes a bite of a cherry tart. 'I haven't sent you a letter recently so no' He says and I nod immeditely. 'Than why have you not forgotten me?' I ask. He tilts his head and his tense shoulders drop a litt little bit. He smiles his beautiful, endearing smile. 'Did you really think I am capable of forgetting You?' I look at him and he begins to chuckle. 'that that is almost absurd' he says.

'I came here to tell you the news. I am getting married.' He says, the world seems to slow down. He is going to be married. He won't be able to love me anymore, of course he won't. While he just gave me a fragment of hope. 'I am so sorry!! I break down. He immediately starts to console me 'No don't be sorry why should you be sorry?' 'Because you are now forced to marry somebody.' I say while trying to stop weeping. He chuckles. 'This is quite ironic' I wipe my tears. 'How so?' 'Well you were the first to suggest marrying Eleanor, remember? And don't worry I'm not being forced. I have my reason.'

What reasons! by god tell me Yves.

'We could run off Yves! Get away from society live somewhere in the middle of nowhere. We could be happy there.' I say while crying tears of desperation. My sun is ripped out of it's place, my stars have seized to shine and rain has turned dry. Hesmiles. 'If you would have asked this a year ago I wouldn't say no my dear but I am going to decline this time around, my rain.' I smile, I can't say I don't understand, I wish to be able to do the same.

Yves montague

'Before you say anything else I would like to explain myself Cyril.' I say. I sigh.

'I hope I will succeed in explaining this complicated feeling that is consuming my heart. Cyril, I have been living without you for quite a while now and even though my life lately hasn't been all too bad it lacks us. I miss you. That is the truth, the whole truth, I miss you so much Even though my heart still hurts I cannot get myself to blame you. I cannot tell myself that it is your fault. I love you and I have loved you. You've been my all, my partner in crime, my advisor, my best friend and my' I look down, how do I say this? How do we say this? I begin to doubt my own decision. 'You have been there for me in hard times ad hace I br been for you. I want, no I need that back. I would like that back.' I sigh and smile as I grab his hand.

'And I am fully aware that you migh say no. We cannot be what we once were, what you might want to be. But I need you,' I gently touch his cheek. 'I need my dearest friend. Especially now.' Cyril doesn't respond but it is always hard to find words I know that all too well. I smile again and look at him 'That is actually why I came here. Cyril... would you like to be my best man?'

Cyril Courtenay

I am surprised by this question, I am surprised he still trusts me enough to ask it. But do I deserve it? do I deserve that trust? I have no idea. There are so many shadows of regrets obscuring my face and soul. I need a light to see it, I know who that light is but I am afraid to use it. 'Don't you think Akiva is more deserving? I ask. 'Akiva and enoch will both be ushers so don't worry, they already have their place. Please."

He looks into my eyes with his strangely brown green eyes, the eyes I will forever revere. He is begging me for something he is so deserving of why should say no? out of self pity? Pathetic. 'I would like you to be there beside me Cyril.' I smile how could I ever say no to my sunlight, my world, my universe, the one who has slipped though my fingers, because I was too foolish to simply hold on. "I would be delighted to.' his bringt smile lights up the whole room and warms my heart.

As he is leaving I decide to ask a questiong that has been floating around in my mind. 'How did you forgive me?' I ask. He chuckles and kiss my forehead. 'How could I not my rain?' 'I haven't forgiven myself' I say. He softly puts his forehead on mine. 'Healing takes times, perhaps we can do it together.' He hugs me tightly, I don't want his to let go. 'We'll try' I whisper. He smiles. 'We will succeed' He says softly. I feel a tear spill onto Yves jacket. 'Never let me go again.' I hear yves whisper, I am pretty sure he didn't mean for me to hear it. I don't think I would have ever expected something out of that mouth, he will never admit how hard he has had it but this is a form of it, he wants me to be there with him. I won't I think and at that moment I know that when I leave him I will need to pay for it. I vow to stay, forever.