Black Widow | 18+

35 | Serendipity

Artemisia

Thirty minutes under the water had felt like thirty seconds. I got lost in the repetitive actions, the scrubbing of the scars, as if it would make them go away, and the constant lathering of soap along every smooth surface and crevice of my body.

The memories never got any easier, even after 15 years of endurance. If anything, now that i was out of the life I once possessed, they were worse. It was an odd paradox, I would have thought that setting myself free from it all would allow me to heal, but it hadn't.

I'd slept with two men in the five years away from the Russian and the Italian, they were causal flings, both older, and both completely oblivious to my habits. They never noticed the abnormally long time in the shower, they never noticed the way I would suddenly scurry off to clean myself, they would never notice the fact I would come back out changed in entirely different clothes if the situation would allow.

Their obliviousness meant that I could be at peace in my own head, coaching myself through the painful flashbacks with a sense of control, but my new life meant that I didn't have distraction anymore. I could no longer run into a field of cataclysmic chaos that was on tap to me 24/7, I couldn't kill the type of men who would most likely do the same thing to another child as had been done to me as a way of cathartic revenge, I couldn't bury everything down because it changed me as a person and I had a son who I needed to protect with my life.

Ultimately, it meant I had to face things head on, and when I finally managed to see Otterly for therapy again she was more than overjoyed to hear my conclusion.

A conclusion I hated.

Water was cascading my body as I leant my head against the slab of black marble in the shower, my heart picked up in pace and I began to feel the anxiety and fear creeping up on me. I tried to calm myself, but it was to no avail, and I thought I was going to pass out then and there. He must have sensed something though, there was something about the two of us that made us seem linked, and I listened as the hot water shut off followed by the feeling of a chill encasing my body, before it was quelled by a towel being wrapped around me.

Anton guided me out of the shower slowly and I hazily registered his tattooed torso as he began to dry me off.

"You're okay Angel," he murmured into my ear and I hummed in response, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"I don't know why this is happening," I sighed, slowly opening my eyes. He gave me a sympathetic look before kissing my forehead.

"Let's get you into bed, if you want to stay?" He said, his tone somewhat hopeful at the end. I looked up at him with a smile and nodded. "Good, I already texted Alvaro," he chuckled

"Oh my god," I laughed, feeling myself come out of the blurred state as my cheeks heated slightly, "what did he even say?"

Anton chuckled, taking my hand in his and walking me back into the bedroom, "He said congratulations and that Rico was sleeping."

"Typical," I mused, allowing Anton to sit me on the bed before he disappeared into the walk in wardrobe on the far side of the room.

I brought my attention to the balcony, the panoramic windows allowing for an easy view of the dimly lit beach. I loved my new home, I loved the new life I had built for my son and I, I loved the freedom that came with it all.

But now I was wondering if I had been ignoring a gaping hole in my heart for the past five years. I didn't look out over that view with the same fondness I did before seeing Leo and Anton again. It didn't give me the same finality and peace as it usually did.