The Blurred Lines

• The Sinner •

| Agastya |

"Natasha!" I called her name as I stood at the door of our room. I just had come back from the office. She was sitting on the bed and I was facing her back. Dressed in a yellow floral sundress, with her hair tied in a ponytail, she was looking extremely pretty and I felt my disappointment and anger fading away. I couldn't stay angry with her for long. It had been a month since we talked to each other without yelling. She doesn't love me anymore, she had said. But I still love her and that's what made me go there, to her room, to check whether she's doing fine. She had been sleeping in another room since the the day she told me about him. I was furious with her so I didn't make an effort to bridge the gap between us but I couldn't hold back anymore. I didn't know about her but the distance was eating me up. I loosened up my tie and threw it on the couch. I sat with my back facing hers, holding on to the bed. A defeated sigh left my mouth as I breathed but she didn't flinch. She was still sitting motionlessly, not giving a flying fuck about my presence in the room. What led us to that? Why couldn't she love me like she used to? The questions remain unanswered till today.

One day, out of nowhere she comes to me and says that she doesn't love me, and that she has fallen in love with someone else. Did I deserve it? I don't think so. Yet I was there, sitting and waiting for a response, because I loved her unconditionally. I still do. Natasha was both my strength and weakness. I needed her back.

"Natasha speak something for god's sake." I said audibly in disappointment.

SILENCE.

"Natasha I know I have taken some extreme steps to get you back in my life but trust me, I need you. What was my fault? I have always loved you and you know that right?" I was relatively softer that time because it was Natasha, my heart and soul, the reason of my existence, the one who strives me to do better by just being there.

"I do not love you. Is this some rocket science to understand? Agastya Raichand, I have fallen out of love." She replied coldly in a voice that could send shivers down my spine. Her words stung me. I felt so distant and in that moment she seemed an unknown to me. I had never seen her like that before. Cold. Heartless. Emotionless. Dead. Her lover had left her, all alone. That motherf*cker didn't have nuts to stay, yet it was me who was suffering, who was not at peace. Someone who had stayed with Natasha even after her betrayal.

"And the one you have fallen in love with, has left you Nats." I said as a matter of fact, sternly.

"YOU FORCED HIM AGASTYA." she cried at the top of her voice, she was now standing in front of me, all angered and in tears. I pressed my face into my right hand because I couldn't bear the sight of us, fighting again. She still thought that I was the reason why he left her. But who would make Natasha understand that if I had been in his place, I wouldn't have ever left her side, no matter what. Love demands you to be brave and one needs courage to be a lover and he was nothing but a fucking coward who ruined our lives.

"People who want to stay, stay nonetheless. I would have failed if he wouldn't have given up and that, is your sign Natasha to come back to me because he is gone." I said firmly, turning towards her. The words weren't so right, I knew. I never intended to say all this, neither did I want that conversation to go this way, something which had been happening since quite a few days. I didn't want to make her feel left out, I didn't want to belittle her for a guy like him, but both of us were getting carried away with our anger.

"I don't care if he is here or not. I CAN'T BE WITH YOU. Not anymore." she cried in a low voice and I seethed with anger. I breathed loudly and walked out of the room, without sparing her a glance. Not that she was waiting for me to look at her. We grew too distant. I walked out on her without saying anything, little did I know it would be the biggest mistake of my life. I shouldn't have left her side that day. But my temper at the mention of her lover, flared too much that I chose to leave her alone in the room and let her do the terrible. Natasha ended her life by consuming poison. By the time I got to know, it was too late.