The Ghost of You ~ TaeGyu

3

I knew I was in love with Taehyun for awhile when he was alive.

We had known each other for 4 and a half months before he died.

I knew I loved him for 3.

I never thought about dating or relationships much at all, well, until I met Taehyun.

I realized my feelings for him in one night.

I had liked him for awhile unbeknownst to me, I never really could tell between platonic or romantic feelings.

I have a feeling Taehyun knew before I did.

My feelings for Taehyun basically slapped me in the face.

As stupid and cliche as it sounds, I had a dream about him.

I could barely look at him after, he demanded I tell him what happened.

I told him I had a weird dream and nothing else, but I think he could've figured out the rest.

He didn't think I was weird.

He didn't even act different.

That just made me fall deeper in love with him.

I stopped talking to my other friends, my life revolved around him.

He was all I wanted.

I would've given up everything just for him.

I still would.

I was so happy with him.

He made living worth it.

Why did you have to take him away?

I was good. I was a good boy  I promise.

I got everything I wanted, and it was taken away from me in an instant.

The realization of never being able to see the boy I loved ever again killed me.

Everything happy inside me died that day with Taehyun.

I love him so much.

Why did you take him away?

Why?

What did I do to deserve it?

I was a good person I promise.

🦋

As the daylight seeped through Beomgyus blinds and the sleep faded from his head he sat up in bed, looking around his room.

Was it a dream?

"Taehyun?" He called out

Nothing.

He could feel his heart breaking all over again.

He felt as if he lost him a second time.

"Please.." Beomgyu breathed shakily, getting up from his bed.

He wondered why the world was so cruel to him.

His feet thumped against the floor softly as he made his way to the bathroom, splashing water on his face.

He wanted nothing more than to die and be with Taehyun.

But would he even be with him?

His faith is gone.

He knows he won't see him when he dies.

He just wants everything to stop.

He wants to stop feeling this way.

"Beomgyu."

He snapped his head towards the mirror, seeing nothing but the white wall behind him.

He turned his head to look behind him.

"Taehyun." Beomgyu whispered, looking at the pale boy who stood behind him.

"Good morning."

Beomgyu reached his hands out to him, feeling Taehyun against his fingers.

He breathed out, tears threatening to fall.

He felt so real.

"It wasn't a dream?"

Taehyun shook his head, tucking a strand of hair behind Beomgyu's ear.

Beomgyu quickly engulfed him into a hug, pressing his cheek against Taehyun's.

"You didn't ask to touch me that time." Taehyun teases lightly, wrapping his arms around Beomgyu, reciprocating the gesture.

"You better fucking let me touch you I don't care what you say."

Taehyun smiles.

"Feisty."

"You aren't real. You can't be." Beomgyu whispers, breathing the boy in.

He smells just like he did before he died.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"I'm going crazy. This is a dream or something."

"Well you better wake up then."

"No. I better not fucking wake up."

"You're so different than how you were Gyu."

Beomgyu presses his forehead against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you that night."

"Don't be silly, you were the only one there for me then."

"I wasn't enough. I'm not enough."

"You're more than enough."

Beomgyu lets out a shakey breath, holding onto Taehyun tighter.

"Hit me."

"What?"

"Please. I need to know this is real. Hurt me please."

Before Taehyun could speak again Beomgyu stepped back slightly, looking Taehyun in the eyes.

"Hurt me. Make me bleed. I want it if it's from you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

Beomgyu wanted everything from Taehyun, anything from him breaking his bones to kissing him so rough he could go lightheaded.

Beomgyu grabbed Taehyun's wrist, bringing his hand to Beomgyu's throat.

As crazy as it sounded, he needed this, he needed the pain, the rush of adrenaline to make him feel alive again, to let him know Taehyun was there, under his touch, his life at the hands of someone he loved dearly.

Beomgyu whispered,

"Make me beg you to let me breathe."