The Ghost of You ~ TaeGyu

12

🦋

I Watched as reality seeped through the cracks of my fingers, everything that I longed for that I had at the tips of my fingers, slip away.

Once so close, now gone, forever.

I'd never have it again, that feeling that once made me full with meaning.

He was gone, so was everything else.

I relived that day in my head every day, when I saw him in the drivers seat, when I went home, how it was so quiet, everything was quiet.

Even my head was quiet.

I couldn't pull out my phone to text him.

He wouldn't answer, never.

Never again.

Nothing looked the same. Everything was dull.

As I sat down onto my bed, my body sinking into the malleable material; nothing felt real, Like time had stopped. 

I couldn't feel the fabric beneath my fingers, nothing.

That day I started hurting myself, in various ways.

Holding a lighter over my skin until it seared, dragging a blade across my arm to expose the deep layers of skin that laid beneath it.

It made me know that this was real, that I wasn't dreaming.

It grounded me, in a way.

After awhile, I stopped feeling that too.

My mother used to say "If you can't love yourself how could you love anyone else?"

I loved him by giving all of that love I didn't use for myself, I gave all of me to him.

Even if I wasn't worth anything, I needed to give him everything.

He deserved everything.

🦋

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

Taehyun peered down at Beomgyu from the foot of his bed, where he stood to watch him sleep.

"You'll have to learn."

"No. You can't leave me."

"I won't on purpose, Gyu."

"Then I won't have-"

"I don't know how long this ghost thing is gonna go on for, it's already weird."

Beomgyu crawled forward, towards the foot of his bed. "When it's time for you to go, I'll go too."

"No amount of time with you will be long enough."

Taehyun narrowed his eyes as he peered down at the boy.

"You're insane."

Beomgyu let out a laugh that made Taehyun feel sick to his stomach.

"Guess who's fault that is?"

-

Taehyun watched Beomgyu carefully as he walked down the hallway, immersed in conversation with Yeonjun.

"Gyu, do you want to come over later tonight?"

Beomgyu paused for a moment, before replying. "I'm not sure, I'll let you know if I can."

Yeonjun smiled softly, nodding. "This is my class, I'll see you around?" Beomgyu hummed in agreement, watching Yeonjun disappear behind the door.

Beomgyu continued walking.