So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

16: Freaks and Fools

Sammy came in while I was printing off a bunch of fliers to take out with me. I was using the office computer, and the boss kinda frowns on that kind of thing. Sammy loves to piss off the Boss though, so she was a natural ally.

"The fuck is 'Friends of Vlad'?" she wanted to know.

"It's a club I'm starting. A vampire club."

"Cool. Can I come?"

"Are you a vampire?"

"No. What does that have to do with it? It's not like you're a vampire either."

"If I was, how would you know?"

"You haven't even tried to kiss my neck, let alone bite me, and I know I'm practically irresistible to vampires."

There is probably not a man alive, let alone a vampire, who could resist the urge to bite Sammy for very long. This is not just me being overly dramatic either. One of the nicer vampires I had met had ended up in the shop one night and had developed an instant crush on Sammy. He had been trying unsuccessfully to get her to go out with him ever since.

Let me describe Sammy properly: She was a steaming little hot body of sexual energy just waiting to be released, and she had the most beautiful neck, along with a predilection for tattoos. Plus she had the whole Asian thing going on, and we all know how fetishized Asian women already are. If there is one thing some vampires find irresistible is a gorgeous woman with tattoos. Sammy was beautiful, and she definitely had the tattoos to qualify as vampire-bait. She had a full-sleeve of the most detailed and kick-ass Chinese dragon you've ever seen and had confided to me that she'd spent about 40 hours just to get it completed. No, she hadn't minded the pain. It was one of her kinks, pain, but it was a pity that I'd never get to try that out. Total vampire bait. Sammy also tended to be a total bitch to me, so while I may have considered sucking on her neck at some point, that was one girl was completely off limits.

"You haven't met very many vampires have you?" I asked lamely.

"And you have?" She flipped her hair at me and disappeared into the back room. "I'm going to make coffee. You want any?"

"Only if it's really, incredibly fucking weak. You know me and coffee."

"What you do to coffee is abuse, I hope you know that," Sammy said and flounced off to the back office.

She was right about the coffee. It wasn't by choice though. Before becoming a vampire, there had been nothing I liked more to start my day than a nice hot steaming cup of coffee, the stronger, the better. But like my situation with jalapeno peppers and spicy foods of any kind, coffee was now off limits to me. It depresses me to even think about it, so why don't I fill you in on that later?

"You wanna help me cut these out?" I yelled after her, and I got a raised middle finger in response.

I still had half an hour to go before I left for the night. Sammy liked to come in early just to torment me. She was cute in her own way, abrasive as hell but got away with it easily enough. I think it was her perpetually curly hair that did it for her. Those thick black curls were the first thing anyone noticed about her. By the time they realized that they'd been having a conversation where she had insulted them ten ways from Sunday and she still had such a sunny smile on her face, they dismissed it as a trick of the mind. Sammy especially liked to fuck with the customers and more often than not teased the hell out of the poor slobs. She usually had the 4 AM to 12 PM shift, and of course, sales always seemed to spike in the morning.

So we spent the next half hour cutting out my fliers with the one pair of rusty scissors that the boss kept around. That is to say, I cut them out, and Sammy watched and drank her coffee.