So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

80: The Art of Glammering

Sebastien jerked to the left, and I wanted to cheer, wanted to believe that Claude had actually shot the sonofabitch. Claude had shot first, which is the one thing we always yelled at characters in movies to do. Shoot first and don't talk. However, the elation I had felt when I saw him with the gun had almost fizzled when he had taken the precious seconds to deliver what had been a completely badass line.

Sebastien stumbled and I opened my mouth to yell at Claude to shoot him again and don't stop until the gun was empty. I didn't get the chance.

Sebastien snapped his head up and looked Claude in the eye.

"You don't want to kill me," he said almost conversationally.

"Yes I do," Claude said and pulled the trigger.

BLAM!

Sebastien was surprised but somehow managed to dodge that bullet as well. He held out a hand to Claude forcefully and yelled, "STOP!"

For some reason I couldn't see, Claude didn't empty the gun into the smarmy motherfucker.

"SHOOT HIM!" I screamed. "What are you WAITING FOR?"

Claude looked puzzled, but he seemed unable to move.

"I'm trying! I really am! But I can't!"

"Who the fuck are you?" Sebastien growled.

Claude looked at the gun in his hand. "I'm the guy who's trying to shoot your balls off."

"Dude!" I yelled. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Shut up Bob! I can't pull the trigger!" Claude yelled back.

Sebastien had figured it out. "Right. You're Claude. The best friend. You know, I've had my Russians trying to kill you for months now. You're apparently really, really hard to kill."

"It's a gift," Claude said.

"Guess I'll have to kill you myself!"

"Claude, what the fuck man? You don't have to actually listen to this chicken-fucker!"

Sebastien smiled at me and then looked back at Claude.

"Why don't you go ahead and point the gun at your head," Sebastien said, and I watched in horror as Claude obediently pointed the gun at the right side of his head.

"What the fuck are you doing to him? Stop it!" I yelled, pulling and yanking at the ungiving chains in absolute panic, but there was not even a little bit of slack anywhere.

"You really need a mentor dude," Sebastien said. "This is what we call glammering. Humans like your friend are weak minded and we vampires have dominion over them. We always have and always will. We can control them, make them do whatever we want." Sebastien grinned evilly as something occurred to him. "You've been doing it and you didn't even know. How did you think a loser like you was suddenly getting pussy thrown your way whenever you wanted it? Walk into a bar, pick a girl you want to leave with and next thing you know, she's all hot for you. Nothing makes the panties drop so fast like a little glammer. It's like having a pocket of roofies, twenty-four seven."

The realization of what he was saying hit me hard. There was an empty spot inside my gut, icy cold, dark and filled with a sudden guilt that made me dizzy, made me want to hit something. Oh Goddammit?! I tried to clear my head, tried to ignore that taste of bile that came with the guilt, the knowledge of what I had been doing.

"I didn't know! I would never--"

"But you did!" He turned his attention back onto Claude. "Jump up and down on one foot!"