So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

79: Chasing the Sun

"The sun is coming up soon, and you my friend, are going to burn."

These are not the words you ever want to wake up to, especially if you're a vampire. If this ever happens to you, I advise you to get on your feet and run away as quickly as possible. Don't even look to see where you are or anything, just fucking run. I wish I could say that I followed my own advice, but I had one teeny tiny problem. I had been laid on the ground in a spread eagle position, my limbs pointing to four different directions; I could feel the coldness of iron around my wrists and shins and knew that there would be chains involved.

Of course, there were chains.

Oh yeah, and there was the teeny tiny fact that except for my socks, I was fucking naked.

"What the fuck dude?" I strained to look over at Sebastien who had found the perfect position to sit which gave me a nice view of his profile. He was smoking a cigarette.

A cell phone rang and Sebastien tapped the ignore button. It looked a lot like my phone but was gone too fast for me to see properly.

We were on a beach, and judging from the cold wind that blew across the sand and whipped grains of sand at me, while trying to insinuate itself into every inch of my exposed skin, it was one of the more remote beaches, not a house or person within at least half a kilometer. They say in space, no one can hear you scream, but they'd forgotten that there are plenty of places on earth that heartily took that statement as a raison d'etre. To say that I had wind whipping at my butthole would be a slight understatement. Remember, I was spread-eagled, so every inch of me was literally spread and exposed. It's all in the name of the thing. Being whipped about the junk by a particularly aggressive wind is seriously not fun.

It was dark, but the sky (and I could see plenty of sky from my position) had that particularly charming look of a sky that was preparing to welcome the morning sun. I turned my head to look around, and pain shot through my head as a reward.

"Don't try to move too much. We injected you with about twelve ounces of bleach, and you're still getting it out of your system. Your body hates it, but it hates being dead even more."

"Remind me to punch you when I get out of this," I quipped and damn if the pain didn't shoot through my skull as if a small and determined gnome was hammering on the top of my head.

"You're going to burn Bob."

I strained against the chains but couldn't get them to move. Whatever they were attached to was firmly rooted into the ground and was purposely thwarting me. Yep, he was right. I was going to die.

Ring Ring. The cellphone again and once again Sebastien tapped the ignore button.

"You won't burn up immediately you know," Sebastian said after a moment. "Apparently it takes a long, long time and you'll be awake for the whole thing. Your body tries to heal while it's burning you see, so the fire doesn't consume you like you see in the movies. That's why you're tied down, so you can't run. I've heard it can take at least an hour before your system finally shuts down and you die. It's really a horrible death."

"This is a lot of overkill for me punching you man! Couldn't you just kick me in the balls instead?"

Sebastien gave me a long dirty look and curled his lip at me. "You just don't get it, Bob. I think it may actually be too far out of the realm of your reality for you ever to really get it. You are supposed to be dead by now, and yet here you still are. You go to work like a normal person, you pay your bills like a normal person, and you've gone and somehow gotten yourself some friends who are just like you, a bunch of vampire rejects. You're pretending to be human so hard, it makes the ten years of shit that I put up with actually mean nothing. I look at you and wonder how you can even survive, like how the hell do you even do it?" He shook his head. "You being alive is a goddamn insult. A goddamn lie. It's a goddamn slap in the face that my whole life as a vampire means nothing and you are a reminder of that. So I'm going to kill you, and maybe at some point in the future I'll forget you ever existed."