So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

25: So You Used to Be Human...

Here's the thing about vampires and blood: they don't need it to survive. They need it to get their fix. They're all blood junkies and like with a regular junkie, a little is never enough.

There is a curious effect that blood has on your ordinary vampire. I would later learn that it is very much like a drug that all vampires are hooked on to some degree. That was another point that the movies got completely wrong, labeling vampires as gorging on blood and feasting on it, needing it to live. There are, of course, a huge number of reasons that they list, like some quasi-scientific reason that because the vampire is undead, there is no circulation and no warmth, so the vampire needs to replace the blood in his own veins periodically...

That one cracks me up too. Just like the myth about not being able to see a vampire's reflection in the mirror. It's when the myths just get stupid and avoid any actual relation to physics and reality; those times get to me.

I cannot say this enough: Vampires drink blood for the same reason that we smoke cigarettes, marijuana or a crack pipe. It is simply because they like the effect it has on them. It is exactly like a drug, and they can't quite get enough of it.

I don't know how long Louise and Robert drank from my veins. I don't know if there were any regrets, or if they laughed like stoned idiots enjoying their fix. I don't know any of that. For a while, all I knew was darkness.

What I do know is pretty simple though. I know that there are about 12 pints of blood in the human body. I know this because it was one of those weird conversations that Louise and I had had over a bong while she was doing her residency. It was one of the basic facts that all doctors have imprinted on their brains and they can spout off the details for different ages and weight classes if you were inclined to ask them. Under no circumstances are you to ever ask them. Trust me on this.

My point is that Louise and Robert knew how much blood there was. They both knew exactly how much blood a person could lose before death occurred.

I don't think she intended to kill me, but coming from my own experience as an addict, I know that what you intend has nothing to do with the actual outcome, no matter how noble or in some cases tragic. Addicts tend to fuck up everything, and they do it on a grand scale, and it's because they simply aren't thinking clearly.

You can lose up to six pints of blood before you die.

At some point, somebody decided he needed just one more fix. Just a little bit more couldn't hurt, could it? And besides, they were both doctors, so I was in safe hands.

Yet... somehow, they drank too much.

Way too much...

***

There was a taste of copper on my lips when I woke up. Like I had bitten my lip or something, and I could taste it. The taste practically filled my mouth.

When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Louise sitting curled up in the chair, just watching me. Her hand was wrapped in a bandage, and she looked like she had been crying her eyes out.

My throat was dry as hell, and I was exhausted. For a moment I wondered why and then it came back to me.

"You drank my blood, Louise. You and Robert. Dude, like what the fuck?"

"I'm sorry Bob, I really am."

"Since when do you go around drinking people's blood? Is this some weird new kink you haven't told me about?"

"There is something I have to tell you, and I want you to listen very carefully and not say a thing until I'm done. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure, whatever. Fuck, I'm sore all over."

"Bob..."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm listening."

"You died last night."

I hadn't expected that one. I had to fight the urge to laugh at her right then. What the fuck was going on here? Maybe I was still dreaming. It was a fucked up dream, but it would explain a few things.

"Robert... Robert and I... We got a little greedy, and you were dying of blood loss. I kind of freaked out a little, because we weren't supposed to have even taken your blood. That wasn't what I intended at all. I'd just wanted to take care of your bite. You've got to believe me on that. I didn't intend any of this to happen. I didn't want you to die, not like that. And especially not because of me. I didn't want to be responsible for the death of a friend, especially you. So I did the only thing I could think of."

She held up her bandaged wrist.

"You're going to be one of us now Bob. It was the only way."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Listen! You need to listen. In about two minutes someone is going to knock on my door, and I'm going to go outside to talk to some people. I expect that they're going to want to take me to have a talk with Harry, about you, and I really don't know what's going to happen after that. So I want you to listen to me and take me extremely seriously. I'm not fucking around here. I'm deadly fucking serious when I say that I am a vampire, and now... You're going to become one too. It's going to hurt, and you're going to be sick for a while, but as of right now, you're already one of us, and you need to know some rules. First, you're going to need some sunglasses--"

There was a knock on the door. A slow, gentle knock. Louise looked completely and utterly terrified.

"Louise-"

"I have to go, Bob. They're here."

"Who's here?"

"The Gentlemen. And you do not keep them waiting. " She tried to smile at me and failed miserably. "Goodbye, Bob."

And then she was gone. 

****************************

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Let me know what you liked or hated, but don't forget to VOTE and tell your friends about this bitchin' vampire story you're reading.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: What do you think of these new vampires? Do you think all vampires should have identical lifestyles?

You can follow Bob's Twitter @bob_the_vampire for more zany happenings (no spoilers) or join the Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/BobTheVampire.