So I Might Be a Vampire - Book 1 (Original Version)

18: The Other Vampire

"If I was a vampire, what would you do?" I asked her one day.

This was on one of the occasions that she was talking to me and busy painting her toenails on the floor of my little room. The scent of nail polish would linger there for days afterward, but I didn't mind. She had probably broken up with her sometime boyfriend again and was reaching out for company in the only way she knew how to, but I wasn't about to ask. Hell, I appreciated the company, so I wasn't about to chase her away. It was better than any of the other rapidly rotating cast of employees that joined and sometimes quit in the same day.

Sammy paused and shrugged.

"I suppose I'd have to get a stake and drive it through your heart. Then cut it out and bury it in salt somewhere."

"Ouch, violent. Are you always this violent?"

"Only if you try to drink my blood. I like my blood exactly where it is thank you very much."

"It's not like you're using it you know," I offered after a moment's thought. "Blood is a renewable resource. Our bodies just make more of it."

"Look at the big brain on Bob. You've been reading some medical books or something?"

"Nope--"

"Then what the fuck do you know? Anybody tries to drink my blood, vampire or human is going to regret the day I was born."

Silence for a moment, then something occurred to me.

"Why salt? You'd have to buy a lot of salt you know."

"Shut the fuck up Bob."

"Shutting up."

Sammy had one hell of a mouth on her. I think her mouth was directly descended from pirates or something, but I liked having her around when she wasn't throwing things at me. It made Thursday nights bearable and less lonely. It was when I got lonely that I got restless, and when I got restless, well I just got into trouble and had to go feed my addiction. I'd been managing to keep it under wraps, and so far I didn't think that Sammy had actually noticed anything. Besides, as long as she had known me I was abusing some substance or the other. I think it was when I was actually sober that she thought I was freaky or something. She was good company though and for some reason, better company when I wasn't using.

And when she wasn't around, I had my books.

One Thursday someone showed up.

"Is this where the meeting is?"

"If this is one of Sammy's jokes then please just stop right now." I was busy digging through the stack of my books and magazines that I had collected and didn't even bother to look up.

"Well she said that you were having a meeting, but--"

So the joke was on this guy then. I wasn't going to let him suffer too much.

"Sammy has a really fucked up sense of humor-"

I stopped talking because I had turned around. I had stopped talking because my brain had caught up with the rest of me and an alarm was going off in my head.

The vampire standing in the doorway had the exact same reaction as me. He was a tall black guy, striking African features, like from Ghana or something, decently dressed and yes, pale blue vampire eyes. Holy shit!

"You're a vampire."

In the back of my mind all I was thinking how much tail this guy must be getting with the chicks throwing themselves at him, first for the eyes and then for the fucking awesome British accent coming out of his mouth.

"I've seen you before I think. You're that guy from the club. With the sign!"

Yes, I still went down to the club to protest. Nobody bothered me anymore and to be honest, it felt kind of pointless. I was surprised anyone was noticing.

"That's me. Standing up for the little guy. I wad thinking of heading down tonight if nobody showed up. You can come if you want..."

"Hard pass."

I shrugged and grinned. Not everybody wants to be a pain in the ass especially if their face is visible.

"I'm Bob," I said. Then curiosity got the better of me. "You came here for the meeting?"

"Yeah, the 'Friends of Vlad' meeting? I assume its code for Vampires Anonymous or something like that?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"So here I am. When is everybody else getting here?"

"You know, I'm still trying to figure that out. I don't think they've heard of it yet, but they'll come around eventually."

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence.

"What did you say your name was?"

"Oh, I'm Frankie."

"Want a name tag?"

"I don't think I'll need it. There's only the two of us."

"I'm really bad with names."

"Whatever dude." Something caught his eye, and he headed off to my book pile. "Is that 'The Survivors'? I've heard it's a bitching good read."

"It's kind of cool. Give it the paragraph test, and you'll see for yourself."

"What exactly is the paragraph test?"

The paragraph test is basically this: take a book you've never read before and open it completely randomly. Pick out the first paragraph you see and begin. In the middle of the book is usually the best place, because by that time the author already has a firm grasp on the story and is really into the flow of things, so you can tell a lot just based on that paragraph. You can usually get an idea about if you will enjoy the use of language and of course get a glimpse of some of the plot. More importantly, if you're still reading three pages later, then you've got one hell of a book on your hands.

Judging by Frankie's reaction to 'The Survivors,' he had one hell of a book on his hands. I left him to it and got lost in the book I was currently reading.

So there we were, our first little Vampires Anonymous meeting, and it looked more like a book club than anything else.

"I gotta ask you a question," Frankie said at one point, and I paused, knowing what was coming.

"Sure. Hit me with it."

"Does she know what we are? Your friend downstairs."

"I haven't told her, so no, I don't think so."

"Cool. Just checking."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Imagine telling your mom you're a vampire.  Go ahead, imagine it.  Muahahaha.  Didn't go so well right?  Enjoying the story? Please remember to VOTE and tell your friends how much it rocks (but we know you were here first)!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Would you tell your mom/dad you were a vampire?  Tell me in the comments below.