Bruised Soul

Ruby

Being married isn't anything like i imagined, or anything like i have read in books. The reality of my life is fading away. I am loosing myself, forgetting the girl i used to be. That bubbly care free firecracker has long gone. What is left is an empty shell.

The last 3 years have gotten progressively worse since the war and the fact Voldemort died. I am now Mrs Theodore Nott, everyone thought me to be lucky as hell when it was announced i was to be wed to him. Even i was ecstatic, he's tall, muscular, chiselled in every form of the word. His emerald green eyes would suck your soul out like a dementor. Thats exactly what he did. Broke me, over and over again. Wondering if he does even love me. He lost all sense of control during the war. Killing people, some did deserve it but some were innocent. It has haunted him everyday since.

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I cried out as Theo landed one final SNAP! The belt strap against my sore, ruined arse cheeks. He dropped the belt and took a moment to catch his breath.

"One day you'll learn." He said stepping forward and grasping my hair in his fist, pulling me back roughly. I cry as i try to avoid his eyes even though my face was tilted up towards him.

"I'm sorry, sir." I am quick to respond he gets madder if i ever hesitate to answer.
"Fix your face we have guests arriving soon remember." He warned as his free hand squeezed my side roughly where he had branded my hip with the symbol of his dominance. I wince.
"Yes Daddy." I say softly hoping to plea to him.
"Knees now." He demands.

I move to kneeling as he struts to our closet and pulled out a new outfit for the dinner gathering. He had been extremely angry when his original choice had been destroyed with a stain during dinner preparations. I had paid the price for not being more careful, i always pay the price.

I often find myself wondering how I got here, how the stars had managed to disalign so far from my favor. Each and every day I reflect on how foolish I had been for the joy I felt in being betrothed to Theo. I had been smitten for him all throughout our time at Hogwarts and truly felt that being assigned to him was the universe's way of paying back some peace that had been lost in the days of the war.

It didn't take long at all to face the reality that the Theo I had once been twitterpated for had died on the battlefield as well. Theo, like most of the Slytherin boys I had went to school with, was groomed to be part of a fight he did not wish to stand behind, but had no room to argue against. The toll of killing innocents and causing fear took the light out of his eyes. He had for so long lived a life out of his control.

Unfortunately for me, Theo's most effective and utilized coping mechanism was taking back his lost sense of control through our marriage. My thoughts were interrupted by a harsh hand around my neck. I whispered and gasped for air.

"I'm talking to you." Theo snapped. "Where did you go?"

He rose an eyebrow and did not release me.

"I'm sorry Theo, I'm sorry!" I expressed as best I could, struggling to compose my words. He frowned but let go and moved to sit at his desk.

"Change." He demanded.
"Yes sir." I replied standing and turning to what he had laid out on the bed for me. I stripped and changed as quickly as I could, but careful so as not to wrinkle any of the pieces. I turned to myself in the mirror.

"Thank you, Theo. It's beautiful." I complimented carefully before turning to him. The way he painted me, was not me in the slightest, but it was no longer my responsibility to define myself. I am not Ruby. I am Mrs. Nott. For a moment, we stared at each other in silence.

"Don't wait for an invitation you lazy fuck!" He snapped, glancing at his watch. "We are behind schedule because you needed to be punished. I hope for your sake that that served as both correction and a reminder to be well behaved this evening. So help me God if you can't get it together. Go finish dinner. NOW!" I whimpered slightly.

"I'll be a good girl." I vowed before rushing away to the kitchen. If I had left Theo, he would have been mad about not having excused me from his sight. In choosing to stay, he was upset that I was not rushing to finish preparations. I already knew tonight would not be a good night. There was always a price to pay, even if he had to orchestrate a cost.

My backside was still on fire and I was extremely uncomfortable. I forced myself to ignore this as I returned to the kitchen. I was careful to not tie my apron haphazardly this time before rushing to finish what needed to be done. Our manor had a few house elves on the grounds, but Theo had long ago ordered them to not be of service to me. A few minutes later, Theo entered the room and sat silently. Just watching. He was always watching. For disrespect, for disobedience, for anything to be unnerved or displeased about.

"Daddy?" I spoke up to him carefully and softly.
"What?" He growled back.
"Can I get you a drink?" I shakey as i speak.

He nodded. I poured him a glass of wine and set it in front of him. I took a deep breath and looked around. The table was set, the appetizers were set out, dinner was prepared and ready to be served by the elves later that evening, and the wine was on ice.

"Is there anything else you'd like for me to do, sir?" I asked.

He shook his head as he took everything in and sipped from his glass. I cautiously moved to stand behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders. He stiffened and tensed. I massaged his shoulders and he slowly relaxed.

"May I speak?" I asked him.

He did not respond, but nodded his permission.

"I know seeing everyone is always really hard on you. The conversation inevitably goes to the old days and most if not all of those memories are not fond for anybody....especially you." I said wanting to plea to his nicer side for once. "I am here for you, if you need me to be."

He abruptly shrugged my hands off of him and stood up from the table. He turned to look at me harshly and his towering height intimidated me greatly, as it often did.

"I didn't ask for YOU to be here." He reminded.
"I-I-I know that." I trembled a reply. "I was just trying to help."
"The only thing you need to do is what you're told." He responded knocking his wine glass to the ground. "Pick it up!"
"Yes sir." I said as he left the kitchen.

I tried not to cry as I hurried to clean up the mess he had made. The only mantra ever present in my head being, "Fix your face. Fix your face. Fix your face."

Our guests start to arrive, they're only our old school friends but since being married to Theo i cannot be myself. He hated the fact i was overly talkative and happy all the time, especially after the war. I couldn't help it, i wanted everyone to feel somewhat normal. I wanted to ground people after we all had to endure that god ridden battle at Hogwarts. A part of all of us died that day.

I stand in my usual spot by the dining room door and nod as the guests arrive. Theo embraces the boys in a hug while kissing the back of Astorias hand. My stomach flutters seeing him that way. I never get the soft side to him. Ever. Yet i still love him. He is my husband. Till one of us dies, i am stuck.

Holding back tears i offer everyone a drink. Theo dagger eyed staring at me making sure i don't fuck up again. I try not to but I'm nervous wreck! Once the drinks are served i sit on Theo's left hand sat opposite Mattheo. He always looks at me concerned whenever he comes over. He knows something isn't right.