Meerasim : Dastaan - E - Ishq

Mera Jeevan Kora Kagaz

Please read Jab Koi Baat Bigad Jaye in the Hurt/Comfort portion before you proceed with this chapter. This is sort of a continuation of a reimagined scenario of that one.

"Mujhse baat karo Murtasim, please."

"Ab baat karne ke liye kuch bacha hi nahi hai Meerab."

It was terrible.

Heart-rending.

They lacked the vocabulary to put into words how much it had hurt that day and they wanted to scream that time heals nothing and it was probably a saying created by some bastard who wanted to give hope, no, false hope to people.

Hope as it is is a fucked up thing to have, like bloody Schrodinger's cat. Can we ever save ourselves from the clutches of our destiny?

That day, on Meesu's fifth birthday, Meerab Murtasim Khan and Murtasim Shahnawaz Khan had encountered the worst possibilities that hope offered - a hope to see their daughter, whole and happy as she had been, her laughter being the only voice that soothed their heart - nothing else mattered now.

It had broken them and they had questioned all that life had to offer. Meesam Murtasim Khan had been kidnapped and despite the best efforts of her Baba and Mama, she hadn't been found. 

The world stood still for the couple, even though days changed, they were stuck, stuck in those horrible moments right from the time they had found that Meesam had been kidnapped. 

Though the couple was living the same reality, they were dealing with their daughter's disappearance in drastically different ways. 

For the first few months, while Meerab and Murtsim had put in all efforts, the family had tried to support them. Meerab was drowning in the guilt of being responsible for another loss in the family. Her baba's loss had left a gaping hole which Anwar Khan would never be able to fill. Now to know that she wouldn't be seeing her daughter made her lose her mind.

It felt like all the defenses that Meesu had melted and made Maa begum soft were gone, she had lost no time in putting all the blame on Meerab. It didn't matter, all the questions raised on her upbringing, her character, her ability to raise a child, all of it was lost on her, she just wanted to see her daughter, the daughter that she had anchored all her hopes on when she was hiding from Murtasim.

Meerab and Murtasim had to face this together, but was their love enough to fill the loss of Meesam?

Meerab Murtasim Khan was coming undone and she didn't relish it. She hated feeling vulnerable. 

Murtasim had been blaming himself, silently at first, rotting in a personal hell.

It was like a distance had been created between them. Like they wanted to hold each other close, so close that nothing but their breaths remained, their existence dissolved into nothingness. But they were afraid that if they came too close, they would shatter, fragile as their hearts were into a thousand brilliant broken pieces. So they had settled for the uneasy distance that hung around them like a rotten smell.

After a year, on the night after what would have been Meesam's birthday, they had given in, hoping to ease the distances between their hearts.

A month later, Meerab had found out that she was pregnant and in hushed, anxious whispers had informed her husband about the same. He had hugged her, eyes glistening and unsaid promises on his lips, words that dare not tumble out for the fear of nazar.

All the leads that he seemed to find about Meesu brought him so close and at the very last moment, every lead turned out to be futile, just like his existence had started feeling. What good of an Abba would he be to the new kid when he had failed to be a proper muhafiz to the kid's elder sister? The anxieties were ever present in his mind.