Time

14;

The time I noticed change.

It was almost Christmas so to celebrate Louis and I had a Christmas party at our place - it was also for his birthday which is in three days.

I had of course invited Esther as well as Caroline. There had been a lot of speculation as to whether Caroline and I had been dating or not and rather than confirming or denying, we both preferred to just keep quiet and work together to see what could become of us. I genuinely like her, and she likes me. The media focus on our ages a lot but to me it's not or ever will be about age.

It was around 8pm when everyone started to arrive, Esther was a no-show at the moment but I expected that, she's always liked to wait until the parties are in full swing to make an appearance, that way people don't really notice you.

But I'll notice Esther in any crowded room.

When Caroline walked in I smiled and instantly greeted her, I kissed her cheek aware of the wandering, curious eyes and took her coat from her.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "It's freezing but I'm glad I'm here now,"

Kissing her cheek again I smile. "Me too,"

. . .

It was just before 9 when Esther arrived. I just about recognised her, there was something completely different about the way she walked, smiled, acted.

This wasn't my Esther.

When I approached her she jumped slightly at my hand grazing her back. "Didn't think you'd show up,"

She smiled but it was forced, as if she was uncomfortable and not wanting to be there.

Her cheek bones were more prominent, I know she's learning about make-up at college but I didn't think it could make your cheeks stand out this much.

I handed her a drink but she shook her head. "Water's fine,"

I nod, disappearing to get her water.

When I return she's staring at her phone, she places it in her clutch when she sees me.

"I've missed you,"

She gives me another forced smile. "I've missed you too,"

I look around for Caroline and when I spot her, I introduce her to Esther.

"I've heard so much about you," Caroline smiles politely.

Esther shyly looks away, another strange action. Esther isn't the most confident and extroverted person but she's never been shy to an extent like this.

I've got to find out what's going on.

Caroline left at about 11:30, I waited for her taxi outside with her before returning to the party, I wanted to crack down what was really going on with Esther.

When I find her, I take us out onto the balcony and close the door behind us.

"What's going on Es?"

She looks away, out onto the London skyline. We were lucky with our view, Big Ben, the London Eye, The Shard all in view.

"Nothing,"

"Don't lie to me," I snap.

She sips her water.

"Please," I whisper.

"I'm okay Harry,"

"You look different,"

She scoffs and mumbles something under her breath, I couldn't quite catch it though.

"Come on Es, we've always told each other every thing, just tell me and I can help you out, whatever it is. I won't judge you or get upset,"

Esther bites her lip and shakes her head. "There is nothing I need to tell you, and if there was you wouldn't understand,"

Ouch.

"What.. what do you mean?"

She turns to look at me for the first time, tears on her water line. She looked different but I didn't know how, maybe it was the dress or the heels, I was always used to jeans and converse, but it was the way she stood and the way she reacted that told me it wasn't just her clothes.

"We're not the same, are we?"

I frown.

"You.. you have this," She gestures around. "This is your life, I mean you're dating someone from tv.."

I thought for a minute she was jealous of Caroline and I, but I knew deep down she wasn't.

"You go away so much, every time I text or call you aren't able to answer, and then when you reply days later.. I kind of don't ever want to answer."

I feel hurt that this was how she was feeling. I mean yeah, it's difficult trying to balance the band, family, Esther, fans, relationships.. but I can do it.

Somehow.

"When I went on my Twitter the other day, a load of your fans had tweeted me this abuse, telling me all types of evil things, I couldn't imagine ever telling someone half the things they said to me, it's just made me.. I don't know," She sighs in frustration.

"You don't want us to be friends anymore-?"

"You said you'd stay in London for a year," She cuts me off. "It's almost January, almost a year."

I swallow.

"So are you moving back to Holmes Chapel?"

I look down. It would be impossible for me to try and work and live back at home. London was my home now, this was where everything was for me. Yeah, I missed home at first - who wouldn't, but now.. now I was completely in love with London, I didn't ever want to move away.

"I can't, Es."

She looks down.

"I can't move back.. my life is here now."

"And me?" She asks quietly. She looked so lost and vulnerable.

"You're my best friend," I pull her into my chest. "You'll always be my best friend, it doesn't matter where I am, or where I'm living."

She sniffles. "I just miss you,"

I feel guilty, guilty for not being there, guilty for living this life whilst she's in my old one. But what do I do? Do I leave the band to go home? Do I stay and watch Esther suffer more? I was in a tough position.

"I'm coming home in two days, I'll be off for two weeks."

I feel her smile into my chest. "I have you to myself for two whole weeks?"

"Of course," I rub her back soothingly.

"Then what?"

I close my eyes. "Then.. then I'm back in London, we have our Up All Night tour next year."

"Yeah,"

"You're coming to it, right?"

She nods. "I'm going with your family to the Manchester one."

"Perfect,"

And although she was now content whilst she hugged me, I knew things were still far from perfect.