Side by side || Emily Prentiss

7.

«I'm tired of feeling like this.
It's exhausting.»

Returning to the cold of her empty apartment was torment for Daisy. She felt like she could no longer survive after what she had done. She felt dirty, mean and a murderer, even though she hadn't have Emily killed yet.

Daisy wasn't like that. Daisy had never been a bad person, she had always been kind and cheerful and she had never managed to harm others. Every time in her life she had realized that she had hurt someone she had spent the night without sleeping trying to find a solution for her mistakes.

She hadn't always succeeded but when she hadn't done it she had flogged herself so much that she felt sick for days and she had never forgotten one of those events. She carried them and would always carry them in her heart to avoid them being repeated with different people and situations.

Daisy was a good person.

She closed the front door behind her and throwing her bag on the floor she ran into the bathroom. She vomited. She felt like she was vomiting her soul and the taste of Emily out of her body. She wanted to escape, she wanted to disappear, she wished she hadn't done what she had done.

After cleaning her face, smoking a cigarette, brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas she hid between the sheets of her bad. She didn't have the emotional strength to take a shower and the thought of Emily Prentiss didn't seem to want to disappear from her head.

What perhaps disgusted her most about herself was that she had betrayed Emily's trust and had sexually and shamelessly used another woman. She had broken the tacit pact of sisterhood that existed between women, especially those who worked in their field.

Emily Prentiss.

She couldn't think of anything else.

Daisy wanted to tell Emily to be careful and to understand how it all started in that damned office. Daisy wanted to tell her not to lose sight of even their shadow and not to stop at what she thought was happening.

She wished Emily would stop and wonder if something of herself had been lost that evening. She wanted to tell her chief to be careful, to at least watch out for herself. She wanted to tell Emily to be careful because Daisy would have killed her in that room, because their kisses did not know any innocence.

Daisy was guilty of that slow night and all the others that would follow.

But Emily, just like her, had no patience to stop and think about those things for a moment and Daisy was too good at what she did. She remembered for a second the corners of Emily's mouth, which had seemed like the last gift in which Daisy already knew she would lose the older agent and herself.

Emily had to be careful and be able to blame Daisy for what they were doing. Emily had to be careful because the room around her was moving, because Daisy was copying her heart from an asshole. Emily had to pay attention to the younger woman's impertinence.

But, instead, in that moment, to Emily even the floor seemed like sand against the sky which was rosing very high and everything around her seemed beautiful.

Daisy woke up suddenly the next morning, she didn't know when she had managed to fall asleep, but from the excruciating pain to her head she could understand that she hadn't been able to sleep more than a couple of hours, maybe three if she had been lucky.

Penelope woke her up again, warning her that they had a new case to deal with and to join the team directly on the jet since they had to rush and didn't have time to discuss the details in the offices.

Daisy for the first time was not happy about what was about to happen. She hoped with all her heart that a case would brighten up her boring workdays, but she would have preferred to spend that day in silence at her desk, without having to talk to Emily.