Journey of an Einherji - The Sword of Summer

Tense Conversations and Some Explanations

I collapsed on the nearest armchair.

As I was staring at the crackling fire I realized something, that I thought wouldn't happen. I was safe in this place. Well, as safe as anyone can be in a place where killing was a <<foolish prank>>.  But I was safe, meaning that I could think with nothing to stop me.

Not good. 

And too late to see it.

My thoughts took me back to my family. Had my mum know who my father truly was? Had he told her? Had the authorities reached her and my dad? Had they heard the news of my death? Was it possible for me to get back to them? Was it possible to get my old life back?

I started having trouble breathing. I didn't know what was happening.

Each breath was shorter that the previous one, a pain in my chest started to oppress me and my mind got stuck in one thought: the innability to breath. I fell to the floor and the pain in my chest got worse and I felt as I was being crushed by a car and my breathing got even quicker and my eyes were darting from one place to the other and they landed on the silver portrait.

As I stared at it I remembered the good times I spent with my family, and the bad. There were things I would have like to change from my life, decisions that I had made. But, if there was one thing I wouldn't change, was the times I spent with them. And the ones I was intending to live with them once I left this place.

Slowly, but surely, my got breath better, the pain started to subsided, my mind cleared and my eyes never stopped looking at the photo. Once I was calm I stayed where I was, on the floor facing up and looking at the picture. I didn't wanted to get up, I was afraid of what would happen if I did.

Unfortunately I knew myself and I knew my mind would soon start to wander again. Because of this, I got up with some struggle. Apparently I hadn't really recovered from my awful experience of my first panic attack.

It  was strange that what started it, was the same thing that stopped it. My family.

On the coffee table there was a bound notebook I hadn't noticed before: GUEST SERVICE. I read some bits. The menu of the service room was ten pages long. The TV channels list was almost as long and the map of the hotel was so complicated and was divided in so many subjetcions that I didn't understood a single thing. There was no sign anywhere that said: TO RETURN TO YOUR OLD LIFE, USE THIS EXIT.

I got angry. No apparent way out of here, no way to contact my parents, no way of knowing if Nico had survived the attack, no way of knowing if Johul had truly died (I hoped that his death was more permanent than mine). My anger started to rise. The norse gods were real, the nine realms apparently were too, giants were real. How was I suppoused to deal with all of that? How was I suppoused to stay here when my family needed me?

According to the ancient tales, only those who had died bravely and with heroism could enter Valhalla. I wasn't brave, I hadn't fought bravely against Johul, on the contrary. There was no heroism in that fight, just an idiot thinking he could do something good for once. Maybe that meant that I would be given the chance to return to my old life, since I had been brought here without having the necessary requirements. 

Who was I trying to fool? I was trapped in this fucking hotel.

My anger reached a boiling point. And it exploded. 

I threw the notebook to the fire, I kicked the coffee table and I threw an armchair to the plasma screen, wich shattered on impact. I didn't expected that. In fact, I didn't expected to be able to throw the armchair so far. What was happening to me?