If you kill him, I'll kill you

Chapter 5

After the forest scene, we went back to the house. Sam tried to put me in a better mood, he asked if I would choose my own room. I was surprised, because I didn't think that in such a short time we spent together, he liked me so much.
I chose the room upstairs where I woke up yesterday. The walls shone in an off-white color, with dark brown carved cupboards lined up in front of them. Among the members of the furniture group, my favorite is the bedside cabinet, which is located next to the big bed. There was a window in the right wall, and the rest of the space was filled with bookshelves, filled with more and more interesting books. The bathroom is directly next to the room.
Sam offered me the clothes of his female family members, which I didn't want to accept at first, but I realized that I had no clothes other than what I was wearing.
I haven't really dealt with my feelings before, but tonight I thought it was about time. I can no longer return to my home, so everyone thinks I am dead. Maybe it's better than waiting for me to go home. But my parents don't deserve this. They will have to suffer the same pain as when Edina died, only now the grief will be twice as great. I think that I can never jump into their arms again. If I have a problem, my mother won't be here to help. There will be no one to scold me if I did something wrong and tell me what to do. Once I find a partner, and one of them cannot be at the wedding and cannot be a grandparent. We will never see each other again. I think that's how I fell asleep.

- Clary! - I fell out of the realm of dreams. - Can we go hunting? - I yelled down at him that I'll leave in a minute. We went towards where we were yesterday.
I closed my eyes. I was surprised to find that the morning silence was completely different from the daytime silence. It was just a little quieter, but the hustle and bustle was the same. I was even more immersed. Then I smelled the intoxicating smell of blood. Like someone who had been shot, I ran to my victim, which was again a deer. If I continue like this, this species will slowly cease to exist.
As soon as I started feeding, all the noise of the outside world stopped again. I could only feel the life-giving blood gurgling in the deer. Suddenly, as if it were a memory, I saw my previous meal. I drank that poor animal's blood like it was soft drink. I can't even explain it, but I pulled away from my food slowly and with difficulty. The strange thing is that I didn't feel hungry anymore, even though a few minutes ago I was so hungry that I thought the roe wouldn't be enough.
Sam was standing a few meters away and watching me. Or so I thought, but his eyes rested on the deer. Unexpectedly, he fell on the animal that I had abandoned, and after about half a minute, he broke away from it just as quickly as he was there with the deer. His face portrayed a thousand emotions, including confusion and guilt.

- Sam, are you okay? - I asked. I was afraid that I had done something.

- I'm sorry Clary! Really, honestly, I... this would have been your breakfast. I-I shouldn't have eaten it either, I... - I grabbed his face and right arm.

- Sam, it's okay. Calm down, take a deep breath! - after ten deep breaths, I asked what happened.

- We don't eat other people's prey. It's like I robbed you. For us vampires, it's kind of an unwritten rule. Everyone knows.

- Listen Sam, you can't help it, you were hungry. You take care of me, you help me with everything, you really don't have to feel guilty about it. Come on, let's go home so you can calm down.

After we got home, I would have walked Sam up to his room, but he refused to go up, so I went instead. I wanted to give him space and time, as I could tell he was upset by the incident in the forest, but I don't understand it all. It must be because I'm still new, and maybe if someone else had done this I would have been hooked.
An hour later I went down to the living room where Sam was reading and I dared to disturb him. I fall into the armchair opposite his.

- Can I ask something? - he nodded and then closed the book. - Why do you always call Victor by his full name? Maybe there is some conflict between you? Last time I felt like you knew each other.

- I use to call my enemies by their full names. It's a strange habit of mine that I can't explain to this day. When I became a vampire two months later, he did something that I can never forget or forgive to him. - he kept quiet, but I felt like I wasn't interrupting. - One day I heard that a funeral was being held, which surprised me because I didn't know about any deaths at all. So I went to that funeral. I was driven by curiosity about what happened, but all that subsided when I saw my sister in the coffin. She was only ten years old. Ten.

- I'm really sorry.

- Thank you. Did I tell you what happens when a mortal changes before turning 15?

- No, not yet. What's happening?

- They going to be a like a serial killer. My sister would have been like that too, that's why she had to be killed. To save many other innocent lives. What does Victor have to do with this, you ask? Well...

- This will haunt him for the rest of his life. - I thought out loud. When I realized that I had said this out loud, I put my hand in front of my mouth, but Sam looked at me questioningly. - When I wanted to leave, he wouldn't let me. He freaked out and said that if I go out I would hurt a lot of people and the guilt would haunt me forever. Of course I didn't understand then, but now I do. I'm so sorry for what happened to you!

- Imagine... you're the first person I've told this to. It felt so good to finally tell someone. - I went to him and hugged him.