If you kill him, I'll kill you

Chapter 9

I glanced at the clock. I have about an hour to get home before Sam alerts the entire planet.I have no idea why I let this happen. What am I talking about? I started it! I came here, I kissed him, and I took him to the age limit scene. Jesus! After all, I'm with Sam, so we went to bed and decided to try. I come here like a whore and I don't even give our relationship a chance! Who knows, maybe we could have had a completely perfect and healthy love between us.Tonight I felt that only Victor could protect me. I felt I was unfair to him and prejudiced. In a minute, everything I believed in after my transformation was shaken. But now...

- Clary, we should talk.

- Don't be angry that I was unfair to you. It really wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry.

- Believe me, I can understand. I've been thinking a lot today and I understand your point. But I want to know what happened between us now. I mean, don't get me wrong, I really missed you...

- To be honest, I don't know what it was either. It seems that today's little brainstorming is behind it. Listen, I have to go home because if I don't, Sam will come looking for me.

- Oh, so he... actually, how are you guys doing now? Just because you can sleep with anyone drunk, and that plain fact that we just had sex doesn't mean you're or we're together. What do these things mean Clary?

- I don't know exactly what they mean. Because one moment I hate you for what you did to me, and the next I want only you, it doesn't matter who you are or what you've done. But I know that if it didn't mean anything, I wouldn't be here anymore! - silence settled between us. I don't know what to expect or what to say, but I don't have to think about it for long; Victor suddenly sits up next to me and kisses my lips.

- Go before you're late. We will discuss the rest. - I quickly put on my clothes and went to bed. Half past eleven. I still have plenty of time to get home, but I have too much going on in my head right now to stay here with Victor. I ran as fast as I could. On the way, I thought about how I could tell Sam all this. And what happens if I tell him afterwards? Exclude him from my life? He can't, because we are parabatais. He couldn't even if he wanted to, because he couldn't. But still. I couldn't bear it if my best friend suffered because of me. And that's exactly what will happen. I ruined everything. One in one night. A new world record ladies and gentlemen!I still can't see Victor as my partner.I got home. I entered the house, where I was greeted by warmth. I went up to my room to change before I had The Conversation, but Sam was already there waiting for me.

- Would you tell me where you were? - a tear rolled down my face. Sam stood right in front of me and took my face in his hands, but I wasn't able to look him in the eyes for a second. - Clary, are you okay?

- No! Nothing is okay! Sam, I betrayed you! - he wanted to say something, but I didn't let him. - I was at Victor's. I wanted to know more about the vampire who was here, to see if he knew something that he might kept silent about this morning.

- Clary I know...

- No! I slept with him! I did it behind your back Sam! I know you hate me, but I'm really confused and have no idea what's going on. Sam, please forgive me! I beg you! - I fell to the ground.

- Clary, I knew you were going to see Victor. And the possibility that you'll do something also crossed my mind.

- W-What? How could you have known?

- Well, you didn't go hunting, and everyone thinks you're dead, so there weren't many places you could have gone. I know you were together and you loved each other. And it won't pass in such a short time. I'm not naive, I know you'll never be in love with me the way you are in love with him. I didn't expect it, since I told you about Camille. I understand that you're confused, but if you don't talk about what's inside you, it won't get any easier. You should know that you can tell me anything, at any time. How about a simple and forever friendship? - he asked with a big grin.

- I think it would be easier for both of us. Thank you for understanding me!

//
We discussed everything about last night with Sam. I told him everything from the uncertainty to the confusion that I feel around Victor. We don't even know why we thought that this could be a normal relationship. Anyway, I'm glad we're both of the same opinion.Sam's birthday is coming up soon and I want to make him a painting of my own. At the moment, I draw the bases with a pencil, only then paint them.The curtain of my open window flutters. I can feel the lemon mint breath on my neck and the small kisses that go with it. I think I'll always leave the window open from now on.

- Sometimes it will be good to knock. - I said softly, as if I was scolding him and not happy that he is here.

- Knock-knock. - he complied with my request in his deep voice. As usual, he was in charge; he rolled over me and kissed me. Suddenly we heard a real knock.

- A moment! - I shouted, then switched my voice to an almost inaudible frequency. - Victor, how about you go?

- Only up to the roof. - he whispered. - I'll be right back after he leaves. - then he wasn't there anymore. I quickly put the canvas I had been working with in the corner, and then yelled out again.

- Come! - Sam came in right away.

- What did you do? I've been waiting out there for a decade.

- You could have come in, but then you would have seen your birthday surprise.

- Oh, I see.

- So, what do you want?

- I found another letter, also addressed to Clary Saltsman.

- That's so strange, don't you think? Why don't they knock instead?

Clary,I want to warn you. It is unfortunate that you are having an affair with Victor Castro. You don't know who he really is or how you got on the path you are on now. I know he turned me into a vampire, but that's no reason for what you're doing now. If you have any sense and listen to me, you will leave him forever. I recommend this for your own sake.- So, what does it write?

- Essentially, that we don't know who Victor really is and to be careful with him. - I'm a little ashamed, and I also feel guilty for lieing. But Sam doesn't need to know that Victor is still on the roof because of me.

- So we didn't learn anything new.

- I really don't. Listen, I promise we'll talk later, but right now I definitely want to work on your gift.

- I understand. I'm going, have a good job. - as soon as the door closed, at that moment Victor was standing behind me. His hand caressed my arm.

- Why does everyone think you're evil and keep limping around in evil? - I asked.

- We are finally alone, and you seriously want to talk about this?

- Yes. - I stated firmly. But when his kisses brushed my neck and shoulders, I wasn't so sure.