𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐱𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐬|𝟏𝟖+ ( ON HOLD)

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

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River, by Leon Bridges

...

SELAH LUMANI CLAIRE
COMPTON, CALI.

Fourteen years ago..

THERE IS no moment in time that prepares you for the worst. We do not fatten ourselves in the time of slaughter, you see. It just appears without warning. That is the funny thing about death, I believe. The world relies heavily upon the idea that everything will be okay, even when it won't.

We all have to wake up at some point, It's just a matter of if we are willing to or not.

" We gather here today, honoring the life and memory of Joseph Lorenzo Claire. A brother, A son, and friend." Pastor James spoke clearly to us, the bodies surrounding the black casket with white roses on top of it.

It was raining that day, I remembered. When the skies cried with tears, and the clouds gathered with anger on such a sad sight. I was only ten years old, yet my mind and soul were engraved with nostalgia of that day.

The blood on my hands.

My brother's lifeless body. his eyes drained with color as he held onto me. A typical Sunday morning, turned deadly. With screams flooding the streets, and blood painting the cement.

It was supposed to be me.

Not Joey.

He was only fifteen.

If he hadn't jumped in front of me when that drive by came around the corner, he would still be alive. Yet here I am, painted in black clothing, staring down at a casket.

My only family, perished in front of my eyes.
Compton sewed the seeds that grew into a harbor of dead roses. Another story of a black boy killed on the streets.

" Joseph was a fine young man, you see. Honorable, Humble, and Kind. A strong young man with nothing but love for our community. A warrior who sacrificed his own life just to protect his little sister!" Pastor James yells to all the people gathered in the cemetery, indirectly speaking to me as I stood in front of the casket.

" Amen!"

" Amen!"

I could scoff at his words. Joey was honorable and humble, yes, but he's dead because of me. I should've died that day, not him. I should've been the one in the casket.

Joey's best friend stood right beside me, his head hung low as tears were fell from his eyes. But I had no more tears in me, no more cries that could bring my brother back.

" Let us not cry, but celebrate! Celebrate Joseph and his life! He may no longer be here, but he will always be here in spirit."

Just a day before he died, he made me promise him something.

" I want you to promise me something, Lulu." He said, using my nickname that him and everyone in our neighborhood used to call me.

" When you get older, I want you to move outta Compton. This ain't the place you need to be, okay?"

" But what about you?" I questioned him, frowning at his words. I could never leave my brother, as he was my only family and my only friend that I had.

He would laugh, and kiss the top of my head. " I'm always gon be here, you know that. But you know how you love to paint and draw? Make a career outta dat. Make so much money doin what you love that no one can eva steal that dream away from you, you hear me?"

Joey was always filled with wisdom. A true angel that moved mountains when he spoke. God blessed him with a gift, and that gift was his voice.

But now...

" Lulu?"

I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut. I didn't want to hear that name anymore. I didn't want to be called that when Joey wasn't here.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I look up. Exodus had a guilty look on his face, his suit and tie sprinkled with tears from the clouds. " I'm really sorry, Lu. I didn't know that this would happen I- Joey was my best friend,"

I don't respond, I just stare at him. I didn't know this would happen either, I didn't know that my best friend would be killed either. So why ? Why say these things to me? Did my expression not say enough?

He gulps, glancing over to his parents who watched over our conversation. Exodus looks back at me, " I was thinking, well- my parents were thinking about you staying with us. You know, we don't want you to be by yourself right now."

Right. Since our parents decided not to take care of us, I would be put in the system like every other black kid with no family.

Joey and I were raised by our neighborhood. Where everyone was family, and everyone knew everybody. But things were different now, as I have come to realize over the past few weeks.

" You could have my room, and I can sleep in my sister's room. I can also-"

" I can't." I cut him off.

He frowns, " What?"

" I can't," I repeated louder, " I made a promise."

" What promise?"

I push him out of the way, running as hard as I could admist the fallen calls of my name coming from behind me.

" Selah!"

" Selah! Where are you going?!"

I would find my way.

I would figure things out.

But I won't break my promise.