Emeralds

Forty.

Forty
[Adam]

I wake up the next day when we're supposed to be heading to Makkah, Leen's phone rings and I pick up for her.
"Asslamu'alikom, Jenin," I say. "We're great alhamdulillah. Wait I'll get Leen for you." Leen comes out of the bathroom carefully. "It's Jenin!" I tell her and excitement showers her expression. That's how she's been since Jenin gave birth to Dema about a year ago. Days pass by really quickly. I cannot believe Leen and I have been married for over a year now. I cannot believe Jenin was pregnant when Leen had her first accident and then had a year-old child when Leen had her second accident. It all seemed to happen too fast. I can almost feel like the first day I saw Leen was yesterday, although it was... years ago!

"How's Zeyad and Dema?" I keep listening to their conversation.

Before Leen had her accident, she would buy a dozen presents for Dema every time she goes shopping. I miss those days-when she was excited to live, and when she wanted to make everyone as happy as she is. I miss when she wouldn't stop talking about Dema. I can't stand how she's a lot quieter now. I want her lively, like she always was.

"Let me talk to Dema-" I get lost in my own thoughts while Leen talks to her niece.
***
We reach the hotel in Makkah and Leen walks into the bathroom to wash her face and refresh. I throw my tired body on the bed and breathe; my phone rings and I take it out.
"Wa'likom Asslam mom," I say tiredly. "We're fine alhamdulillah, what about you?"
"Alhamdulillah habibi," she says softly. "Are you taking care of yourself Adam?"
"Yes I'm good," I smile, she'll never stop worrying no matter how old I'll become.
"I cannot know there's no one taking care of you and ignore it," she says with a sigh of disappointment.
"What are you talking about mom? Leen is taking care of me. Mariam is too."
"Poor Leen, will she look after herself or look after you?" she says sadly. "She barely can take care of herself, Adam. And Mariam won't be always there."
"Leen still looks after me though," I smile. "She does the best she can."
"Listen, Adam, I don't want to sound heartless or merciless, but I can't stop worrying about you no matter how hard I try to tell myself you'll be fine."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I want you to consider having a second wife, what about that? Allah had allowed men four wives, son."
Second wife?!
Mom must not be serious!
"What?" I exclaim then try to regain my composure and control my surfacing anger. "Mom I cannot remarry!"
"It's halal!"
"I know it's halal! I know I'm allowed four wives! I know all of this, and I'm not complaining! But why would I remarry if I'm happy with my wife? When Allah has given me better than what I had wanted?"
"Leen cannot take enough care of you!"
"And who would take enough care of her if I give her half the attention I do now?" I get on my feet. "Mom even Allah said we won't be able to do justice between women, even if we're keen on it. Whoever that second wife could be, I will not love her like Leen. I do not actually want her! Isn't that haram? To break the hearts of two girls?"
She sighs in defeat and disappointment. "Fine, Adam, if you think that's for the best."
"Yes I do think it's for the best." I reply quickly. "Mom, please don't ever bring up the subject again."
"We will see what happens." Of course she won't give a definite answer when she doesn't like what the other person is saying!

I end the phone call and throw myself once again on the bed when I glance Leen at the far corner of the room.
"Leen?" I sit up. "Why are you standing like this?"
"Maybe-" she breaks off when her voice shakes. "Maybe you should do like your mom says."
"Did you hear that?" I ask getting up and walking to her.
"Maybe she is right," she continues.
I stand in front of her and her head moves towards my voice when I speak, "She is not right and I'm not even thinking about it."
"She is concerned about you," she says. "She must be right."
"Not whatever the elders say is correct. Please just drop it."
"I know you will still take care of me," she tries to smile. "You are really good and you are caring, you will know how to care about me even if you're not with me all the time."
"Leen stop it!" I snap. "Let's take a short nap so we can focus while praying."
"Adam, you won't sleep anyway, so why are you lying?" she shouts. "Why do you run away every time we talk?"
"This isn't even worth talking! This is nonsense and you must've lost your mind to try to convince me! I'm not doing anything against my will!"
"You left your job for me, it was against your will!"
"It was my damn choice! I'm tired of repeating that everyday! I'm tired!" I grip her arm harshly-harsher than I meant to, "I will not give up on you," I say slowly, holding her close to my face, "I don't want anyone except you. And I will never have anyone except you, even if you want that." I let down her hand and walk towards the bed again and sit. "Leen," I call after a few moments.
"Y-yes?"
"Come here," I say and she walks slowly towards my voice. She approaches the bed and senses the air around her trying to find me. I grab her hand and pull her softly and sit her next to me, then put my head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"No I am," she says with a smile. "And thank you."
"You don't thank your husband," I say and smile because it has become something like a secret saying between us, "you just love him."
***
That night Leen and Mariam stay in the masjid in front of the Kaaba after Al-Isha prayer while I leave to get some rest because my back hurts.