Emeralds

Forty-two.

Forty-two
[Adam]

Leen and I take a Taxi to the hospital where Dr. Herrmann, who's supposed to check Leen's eyes, works. We wait about ten minutes before we're called in. We take a seat at his desk, and he greets us in English.

A nurse knocks on his door and comes in, she asks him something and he replies. Meanwhile, Leen faces me and says, "Someone needs to learn German." I laugh.

"So," Dr. Herrmann returns to us, "May I examine you Mrs. Khateeb?" he asks checking her file.
"Sure," Leen says getting up and I hurry to hold her. I take her to a chair on the other side of the room and she sits down. Dr. Herrmann takes a close look at her eyes, parting her eyelids further and looking carefully. He then examines them again using a beam of light. He keeps asking her questions like if she gets any severe headaches and if her eyes ache sometimes. She gives him answers, pausing occasionally to think.
"Okay, then," he says returning to his desk and I walk up to Leen. "Mr. Mustafa, I think we need to be talking about surgery." I swallow, noticing that Leen does the same. Well, we knew it obviously called for a surgery, it's just the shock of the word being spoken by a specialist that's scary.
"Yes..." I wait for him to go on.
"We'll need lots of tests before operating, and only then we can tell a percentage of success."
"Okay," I nod. "I just want to ask you if you already have any idea for now."
"My own opinion says, it's a thirty percent."
"Thirty?" I almost whisper.
"W-what if it doesn't work?" Leen asks. "What happens then?"
"Nothing," Dr. Herrmann replies. "There are no severe side effects."
"Okay," she replies. "Thank you."
"Thanks Dr. Herrmann," I shake hands with him before leaving.

On the way back, none of us says anything. I'm not sure if we're trying to focus on our thoughts or read the other's mind. I'm not sure we want to talk about it now.

Once we enter the lobby we find Mariam waiting already.
"What happened?" she asks worriedly.
"She needs a surgery," I say.
"And?"
"The probability of success is thirty percent," Leen says emotionlessly.
"Well, that's great! Thirty percent is a big number!" Mariam says cheerfully surprising both of us. I think for a moment that maybe she's trying to sound happy to cheer Leen up, but when I look at her face, she looks genuine. She is optimistic.
"Thirty is a big number?" Leen asks while I stay silent.
"Of course it is!"
"Then what about seventy?!" I suddenly snap, soon regretting it.
"Thirty is bigger than ten and twenty and even zero," Mariam says in a scolding tone. "Thirty is hope," her pitch rises a bit as if she's about to cry. "Even zero could still be a hope, because these are just human numbers, no matter how scientific and accurate, Allah can change everything in a matter of no time."

I bite the insides of my mouth shamefully and bitterly. I take a step towards that elevator then turn back to Leen who can't see me. "I'm going to the room." She nods.

I sit silently on a chair by the balcony. Whoever would see me would say I'm emptied of life and accordingly thoughts, but I don't think my head has ever been more crammed.

What if she never sees again? Will she have to live the rest of her life depending on people, because I won't be the only one, and I hate the fact that she will have to bear with everyone and anyone in order to get things done. No matter how hard I try to, I can never be there for her all the time, I will have to go to work at least five hours a day some days, I might have to travel for business sometimes. Giving up being a pilot doesn't guarantee my staying with her 24/7. And thinking more realistically, what if I die before her?

I will never be always there. Never.

Ahmed knocks on my door and I let him in.
"I heard from Leen," he says apologetically.
"Umm," I nod briefly.
"And Mariam's right by the way," he says with a hopeful smile, "thirty is a number to be hopeful about."