Emeralds

Nineteen.

Nineteen

[Leen]

I think I really do like him.

These two weeks could be the best since I was born. I go shopping almost everyday, looking for a dress for me, and for Jenin, mother, Mariam, Aya, their mother and Hend. We meet them everyday.

I'll be wearing a blue dress. Of course I'd always choose blue; it's my forever favourite.

Every passing day I'd get more excited, despite the scariness of the whole thing and the nagging fear that we rushed things, I trust Allah's will. I don't know how or why, but I find myself trusting Adam as well. At first, although I liked him, I knew this was not love. I kept thinking it will grow into love one day, but now I think I'm really starting to love him.

The engagement is tomorrow. It is that close.

Everything is ready, and because we had more time than we had before Jenin's engagement, this time it's going to be in a hotel. Outdoors.

I'm lying in bed after reading Qur'an, unable to sleep even for five minutes. I keep shuddering as I remember how close everything is. That a few hours from now my life will take a new direction, that a lot of things are already starting to draw up in front of me. And so many mysteries are coming clear. That now I know how my husband-to-be, inshallah, is. And all I can think, and wish is true, is that he is someone I will not regret saying yes to.

I decide there's no way I'll sleep now, so I turn on my laptop and watch the Korean drama Boys Over Flowers. Could I just say I'm proud my nickname is Lee because of Lee Min-ho (although it's pronounced as Yee)? Both he and Gong Yoo are the kind of people you would want to meet just to thank for existing. Seriously, though, could someone be as caring and loving as those Korean drama characters?

Jenin wakes me up, and I absolutely have no idea how or when I've fell asleep in the first place. But the laptop is still on my lap and my phone is on the floor next to the bed.

"What time is it?" I freak out.

"It's one, little princess," Jenin snorts. "Your engagement is only five hours from now and you're looking like this."

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" I jump off the bed and start roaming around collecting a towel and clothes to shower. "Where's the hairdryer?" I ask in horror running like a rat is chasing me. "How could I sleep until now?"

"When did you sleep?" she asks.

"I don't know," I say scratching my head. "I remember I prayed Al-Fajr."

"You stayed awake till after Fajr?" she gasped. "Mom will kill you."

"Please don't tell her," I say urgently. "Please."

"Of course I won't! Just hurry up, we have a lot to do."

"Okay!"

Salam has been with me on the phone all day long, and sometimes we'd make a video call so that it feels more like she's here with me. But no technology would make up for being separated from your best friend.

"How about this scarf?" I ask Salam through a video call.

"The previous one was better," she says.

"Oookay!" I say running to get the other one. I come back and show it to her, then suddenly the sadness of the whole situation strikes me. She can see me, she can see the dress and the shoes and the scarf, but she can't just reach out and touch any of that. I have been dreaming my entire life that Salam would be the one helping me on my engagement and wedding, but I have never thought things would turn out like this. I cry sitting on the bed. "I can't believe you're not here," I sniffle. "This shouldn't have been the way things go."