Mona Harps (Pt One)

Chapter Ten: The Breakdown

         I hadn't cried since the day of my mom's death, Well, except for when Rita dragged me down the stairs, but that was a different kind of pain. This might sound crazy, but I've tried to block Mom out of my mind every chance I get. But I miss the hell out of her, and I can't deny it.

One evening Ron and I were sitting down by the boardwalk, It reminded me of my childhood, We used to visit the Long Island boardwalk every year, My mom would let me ride a few rides, and then we'd head home. I began to grow quiet as I sat next to Ron, he noticed and asked me, "Hey, are u okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just zoned out. Um, do you wanna go back to my house and hang out? I'm getting kinda cold out here on the beach." I asked him, I wanted to get far away.

"I can't be sad, this is ridiculous, woman up!" I thought to myself, as if emotion was some kind of forbidden evil.

"yeah of course we can head back to your house." He replied to me.

   We headed back to my house. I tried my hardest to stay calm, but for some reason that day, I couldn't stop feeling this overwhelming pain inside me. In my room, me and Ron sat and cuddled. I tried to distract myself with TV, And talking to Ron. But something flooded me, I felt a rush of panic, all my breath stopped, it felt like I was choking, and my hands were numb.

     "Ron," I said sternly, gripping my hand tightly on his arm.

"Mona what's wrong?" he asked concerned.

"can't breathe, I... I don't know what to do." I was freaking out, my breath was heavy and I felt like I was dying. "Okay, everything is okay." He reassured me.

"I.. miss her so much. I can't do this alone!" I started to sob. "I.. I've been holding this in for so long and I don't wanna do it alone anymore, I miss her, and.. it.. it fucking hurts..." I sobbed loudly, trying to make words but they came out slurred.

       Tears threatened his eyes. He was always so empathetic. "Mona, nobody said you have to do this alone, I'm right here, and I will never leave you. I promise." He reassured me hugging me tightly.

"Everyone leaves! my whole life everyone I love has left me! Every friend I made as a kid stopped talking to me or moved, then my dad, then my mom died, and even stupid-ass Jordan Baker abandoned me!"

        Ron paused and was silent for a moment, me still crying heavily. "Even when people are gone, they're not gone. If you love someone, like, really love them, you can't get rid of it, love never dies." Ron said to me, a serious, but loving expression on his face.

"I love you, Ron, I love you so much, and I don't wanna lose you!" I said to him, holding him tight.

"I love you too Mona, and I'm here for you, I promise."

I was still crying, but the panic was slowly going away, I buried my head in his chest and cried my eyes out until I felt better. I was shocked at how I felt after I cried. I felt good, I felt relieved, and I felt like I had let out what had been building up inside of me for months.

       Me and Ron went downstairs for dinner a couple of hours later, we held hands at the table, while we talked with the family. I'm sure she was looking down at me from heaven smiling that evening, Because somehow, Even though she wasn't there that night, I felt her presence, It was like we were all together. I took a deep breath and looked around me, I saw a beautiful family, a happy family, and something told me my mom wouldn't have wanted it any other way.