She Belongs To Me

CHAPTER 18 : Guilt and Disappointment

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“Everything can be better if it's You by side.”
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POV : Ara

We were sitting in the car, Jungkook on the driver's seat while I was on the passenger one, going back home.

Jungkook hadn't uttered any word since we got the news. I could see his tight grip on the steering wheel, the veins of his arms were literally ready to burst.

My eyes filled up with tears.
“Jungkook, actually—”
I was going to continue but stopped when he shook his head as 'no', without diverting his eyes from the road. He was mad.

I looked away as a single tear rolled down on my cheek.
'Why does it have to be me?'
When everything was eventually going good, then why did it have to be like that?

Of course, Taehyung and I were already out of love, but we were still in a relationship. Like every other couple, we also tried to get our feelings back. But it didn't work out and, eventually, we broke up.
It was a 'sudden break up'.
I never in my life thought that it would end up like this.

I'm pregnant with Taehyung's child. I actually can't believe it. And also… ten weeks? Why did I never realize that I was pregnant?
One, I have hormonal problems.
Two, there is no bump visible to me.
Three, there were no physical changes.
Fourth, I never fell sick in these ten weeks, until yesterday.
Then how would I know?

There were only minor physical changes, but I thought it was just because of my hormonal issues. It happens to me regularly. I never thought that I was pregnant. I never considered this thought.

I was feeling devastated.

****

It was already near evening. The day passed with Jungkook in his office room and me in our bedroom.
He hasn't said a single word to me.

I heard the sound of glass breaking from his office when he directly went to his office room, without saying a single word to me.

I know Jungkook's temper. If he is mad and angry, then don't talk to him for some time, or maybe for the whole day. He will listen to you when his mood is completely ok. Jungkook is that type of person, who doesn't talk to anyone when he is infuriated. He thinks that talking in anger is the worst situation for a person.
A person says those things in anger, which he/she never intends to say.

I was continuously crying in my room, thinking about the situation I've got myself into.

When a woman comes to know that she is going to be a mother, she feels happy and blessed. But, it was not the case here. I was feeling guilty and impure.
Why does it have to go this way?
It was not like I hated this baby, it was not the baby's fault. It was all my fault.

I thought of talking to Jungkook as he was locked up in his room for the whole day. He didn't even eat anything.

I knocked onto his door, but didn't get any response. So, I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. His head rested on the table on his arms.

I carefully sneaked inside the room and went towards him. This room looks like his office in the company. It has numerous important documents, files and office stuff, and I rarely go inside.

I sat down on the chair next to him. He was sleeping so peacefully, but his appearance spoke something else. His hair was completely messed up, along with his clothes. I also saw the broken vase in the corner of the room. His cheeks had the marks of dried tears.
He cried.

It's very rare to see Jungkook crying because he never cries in front of anyone. He cries alone.
And that's what he did the whole day.

Tears brimmed my eyes as I caressed his cheeks which had dried tears.
I'm so sorry, Jungkook.
I'm so bad.
It feels like I don't deserve you.
'I don't deserve an angel like you.'

I saw him squirming under my touch. He opened his eyes slowly, his eyes staring right into my eyes, while he smiled brightly.
His beautiful smile… that smile which I adore more than anything.
But it didn't last long.

I saw his smile fading away. It looked like he realized something. He realized what I did with him.
Maybe he hates me now.

He sat straight and looked at every corner of the room but me.
He was hurt.

“Jungkook, let's eat dinner.” I asked with hope in my voice, my lips trembling a little.

“I don't have the appetite, Ara. You should eat,” he said in a drained out voice and gulped before continuing, “now you also have to take care of the baby.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Jungkook, I know you are angry at me, but—”
I was cut off in the middle of the sentence by him.

“Ara, I'm not angry that you are pregnant with Taehyung's child. I'm angry that you didn't tell me about it.” he said with teary eyes, but not a single tear came out of his eyes. Maybe his eyes were also hurting because of the intense crying.

“I myself came to know today only—” I said, gathering my courage but was again interrupted.

“You are a girl, Ara… How did you not come to know that you are pregnant?” he said, while his eyes showed disappointment.

“No, Jungkook, I really didn't know. If I had known it… then… then I would have told you… or maybe I would not have married you.” I said with a trembling voice, tears streaming down my eyes.

“Don't say that, Ara… please. I really love you… I would not have judged you if you had told me… but, you didn't. You didn't tell your husband… if not your husband, then you should have told me as your best friend… but you didn't.” he said looking away, his voice showing hurt and disappointment.

“Jungkook, I seriously didn't know it. I had hormonal… hormonal problems. I told you about that even before the wedding. Please, believe me. I didn't know it…” I said, sobbing hard.

Jungkook's face looked like a realization hit him. Maybe he realized that I actually didn't know.
“Please, stop crying, Ara. It's hurting me.” he said, looking down.

“Then please believe—”

“Ara… can you please leave me alone for some time? Please… I need time for myself.” he said while covering his face with his hands.

I nodded my head at him and walked towards the door. Before going out, I stopped and turned around.
“Jungkook, whatever it is… but please know that I actually love you… I love you so much.” I said and walked out of the room.

I can't lose you, Jungkook.
I don't want to.

“Don't forget to click that small star button. Thank you.”